Page 16 of Craving Carla

“Not all of them,” I say quickly, and Kade looks at Damon, then back at me. “Moria doesn’t have a mate.” I argue. Damon grins at me.

“Are you sure about that?” he questions, then stuffs his hand in his pocket, pulling out that damn coin he loves to flip. He flips it and it lands in his palm. “Have you ever noticed any of your children gone missing?”

I pause at that, thinking back through centuries. “No, they’ve always stayed beside me. If one had gone missing, I’d know about it.”

Damon goes quiet and raises an eyebrow at me. What the hell is he getting at? I place a hand on my hip and demand, “What are you talking about?”

“I think you are in fact fated and that your children are possibly masking your scent,” he says, as if this is some grand revelation.

“Shut up,” I snap. “I don’t want any false hope. I’m tired of that, always getting my hopes up only to be let down. I don’t have the fated scent—it’s a fact. No one can smell it on me, no shifter, no vampire.”

“What about King Amir?” Damon asks. “He could smell that you were a Blackwood when no one else could.”

There they go again, getting my hopes up. I push down the spark his words ignite, refusing to let it take hold. “Even if I wasfated, would it matter? Who’s going to tolerate me and my spider children? I’ve finally found someone that’s willing to accept me for who I am and doesn’t shy away from me or just tolerate me.”

Damon sighs and looks to Kade, who stands up and walks around her desk, standing beside him.

“We’re not saying we aren’t happy for you, Carla. “We’re...” Kade pauses, giving me that sly grin that I cannot stand, flashing her fangs. “We’re saying we think you should wait and at least speak with King Amir first.”

“That is the last place I want to go. And I’m not discussing with the King about me not having the fated scent. It’s a fact. None of you can smell it on me. Why can’t you two just leave me alone and let me have my date?” I fuss at both of them. Kade frowns at me.

“For starters, I don’t trust him,” Kade says, snapping back at me. “I don’t know, there’s just something off about that guy that I can’t pinpoint.” Kade looks to Damon, and he nods to her. Damon takes a step back, walking over to the wall and leaning against it. He starts flipping his coin again, seemingly lost in thought.

“Something is masking Ackley’s scent,” Damon says, flipping his coin. I cannot believe this is happening right now. They are supposed to be supporting me, but instead, they are looking for reasons to tell me why I shouldn’t. I’ve had enough of this at this point. They’ve fooled around with other women before they found their fated mates, both of them, growing tired of waiting for their mates, but here I am, with the same exhaustion, tired of waiting, just wanting to feel, and here they come, trying to stop me.

“Why are you just saying something now? I’ve been spending time with Ackley for nearly a year, and neither of you have said anything. You both knew that I was friends with him, but themoment he asks me out on a date, now it’s a problem.” Damon looks up at me.

“We didn’t say anything because Kade and I are assessing the situation. Radicals are constantly looking for new ways to infiltrate us. We have to continuously stay on guard,” he says, and I glare at him.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying? You’re trying to tell me Ackley is a radical?” I snap, and Damon doesn’t answer.

“I cannot confirm or deny it, but there are some things missing from his scent that we should be able to detect, but we can’t. Which means he’s hiding something from us.”

“Then why keep him employed? Why not just fire him due to your suspicion? Honestly, Damon, this sounds like you’re being a hater. And I’m not cool with it. If you and Kade knew all this time and never said anything to me, a deputy of this department...” I let out a huff of frustration, then I look up at the vent to see Moria itching to come out.

Not her too. She’s been looking for a reason to condemn Ackley. She’s never trusted him, and I know why. She doesn’t want me to date anyone. My children have gotten used to having me to themselves. Seeing me want to have something with someone, feeling my loneliness, they’ve started ramping up on giving me more attention. I love my babies; they’ve helped me get through some of the darkest times of my existence in this world. I don’t know my purpose here, or why Mother Fate made me, but what I do know is that I’m lonely.

“Kade, Damon, please stop. Please,” I tell them both. Can they feel it? Smell it? My pain, my loneliness. I’m so tired of people just making small talk with me because they know it’s the right thing to do. Everyone is so creeped out by my children. They do nothing to anyone. They stay in the shadows. They haven’t attacked not one human or supernatural since they’vebeen here. They love the children because they are more open to them than the elder shifters.

Ackley sees me. He’s never shied away from my children even with their rejection of him. He’s never shied away from me or made me feel like a burden or an annoyance. Sometimes the shadows just seem better than this because I’m so tired of trying to fit in. But if I go back to darkness, I won’t survive it. The darkness is making me hollow, cold, and cruel. I don’t want to turn to dark magic, but I know that’s where it’s heading if I’m forced back into the shadows.

“I just want to feel wanted. And this may not be what you want to hear, but you, Kade, Damon, and everyone else around here simply tolerates me.” I start, and Kade immediately goes defensive.

“No, hold on, Carla, that is not...” I hold my hand up to her and she pauses.

“It is true. It’s a truth none of you want to admit. I came here because I thought Wintermoon would be a sanctuary for me. Finally, I was free from the shackles of the shadows, no one would make me feel like a burden or a pest here the way humans do. But oh... I couldn’t have been more wrong. I wake up every day, fighting for approval from my own community. Just let me have this. Even if it’s for a moment. I don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know what being wanted feels like from anyone other than my children. Do I need to drop to my knees and beg for this?” A tear escapes me and Kade falls silent. She immediately moves with her vampire speed over to the coffee station and pulls a few pieces of paper towel, then whips back over to me, holding them out. I take them and quickly wipe the tears from my face.

“Okay, Carla. We’ll drop it.”

“I don’t think so...” Damon starts, but Kade hisses at him, flashing her fangs. Damon glares at her, then stuffs the coin in his pocket.

“I don’t like this,” Damon says, standing upright. But he seems to be backing down from Kade’s request. I close my eyes and take in a sharp breath.

“Doesn’t matter,” Kade says, glaring at him. “Carla wants this date, and she will have it.” Kade argues and Damon groans at that.

“Fine,” he snaps, and it’s the most frustrated I’ve ever seen Damon. What gives? I don’t think this is about Ackley’s scent being masked. And I wouldn’t know—I don’t have the special sense of smell that Damon, Kade, and all the shifters have around here. But I do have a special sixth sense that detects danger or when a spirit is nearby, a connection I share with my children. My children feed on the spirits trapped in limbo, where the rejected spirits linger. I suppose this is Mother Fate’s way of helping keep limbo clean. And they grow with each spirit they capture and feed on, which is why some of my children are bigger than the others.

“Thank you, Kade,” I tell her, and she smiles at me.

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