Page 110 of Penance

I want to scream.

He’s holding me like I’m precious.

Like I matter.

Like he’s not Draco.

What’s happening?

“I don’t understand.”

He pushes his arms beneath me, and flips me over—so easily, like I weight nothing. His eyes, those deep, dark eyes are soft, like a moonlit lake. But even seeing the moon on the water, I know predators lurk in the forest at the edge.

I know it’s there, gnashing teeth strong enough to crack bones. I know its there, but the sound of the night is a lullaby, and I can’t pull myself away.

I can’t recognize the danger.

“What don’t you understand, Mercy?”

Everything.

I don’t understand anything.

Not my feelings, not the way he makes me feel, and not the way he’s looking at me right now, like I’m all that matters in the world.

“Why are you being so… gentle?”

“Because I can be,” he says, his thumb brushing my cheek. “Because you need me to be.”

His words send a shiver down my spine. They’re a promise as well as a threat. A double-edged sword. He’s telling me he can be gentle, but he doesn’t have to be. That he’s choosing this, for me, for now, but later, he can choose differently.

Hewillchoose differently.

I’m torn.

I want to lean into him, to trust that he can be gentle, to let him shatter me, but another part of me is screaming to pull away, to run from him.

“I won’t hurt you, Mercy.” His voice is so soft, it doesn’t sound like him. “Not unless you want me to.”

Without a word, Draco scoops me up into his arms and rolls with me.

I’m straddling him again.

I’m straddling him, and he’s naked.

You should fight, a voice screams in my head.You should run, shouldn’t you?

But there’s another voice, a softer one.

What if, just for tonight, I let go? What if I surrender?

What if I let him?

What if I let him do what I begged him to do this morning?

His hands linger on my waist, his eyes never leaving mine.

I feel caged, trapped, but also… safe?

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