Page 41 of Penance

The blood in my mouth has started to dry, sticky and thick, choking me. I want to reach up and claw it off my tongue, scrub it away, but I can’t.

I can’t move.

I can’t.

I just can’t.

My breath catches behind a wall in my chest, each inhale a battle. The room tilts and sways, flips upside down. The darkness living in the corners is moving, reaching out to grab me, to suffocate me where I lay.

A voice whispers in my ear, a high pitched, angelic voice that I cling to.

You need to go, Mercy. You can’t stay here like this.

I can’t move, I argue back. My own voice inside my head is an angry hiss. Why is she so angry?

I can’t.

You have to,the other voice says back, louder.You will die if you stay here. He will come back. He will hurt you again.

Die?

I could die?

The word is like a lifeline, thrown to me while I’m drowning in the ocean of my emotions.

Dying sounds nice.

It might hurt, but only for a little while.

Then, he couldn’t hurt me anymore.

I would be with God. I wouldn’t be alone anymore.

Maybe I should do that.

Maybe I could go into the bathroom and find a razor. I could slit my wrists in the bathtub and be done with this.

I could make all the pain go away.

My ring finger twitches, the first flicker of movement since this nightmare began.

Move, Mercy,the voice in my head insists, but louder than before.Get out of here. Right. NOW!

My arm shakes as I reach out, grasping the edge of the mattress. The world lurches when I pull myself up, my head swimming and threatening to throw me right back down. My heart slams against the cage of my bones so hard that I jerk on the spot, and I slide off the bed onto my hands and knees, but not for long. My bound hands can’t support my weight, and I collapse with my face buried in the carpet.

Breathe,the angel reminds me.You need to breathe, Mercy. You need to find someone to help you.

I push myself up, get to my knees, and then when I push to my feet, the area between my legs screams in protest.

It hurts.

Tears sting my eyes as I finally stand, my thighs shaking and my hips aching.

Go! Mercy, go!The voice in my head screams.Go now! What are you waiting for?!

I manage one step, and I almost fall. I make it to the doorway and slump against it, breathing hard.

Another step.

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