Page 42 of Penance

And another.

One more.

I can see the front door from here, but it seems so far away.

Too far. It’s too far, I won’t make it.

I can feel the mess he left behind sticking my thighs together, and a wave of bile sloshes in my gut and rises up into my throat.

I shake my head, forcing the thought away.

I need to go before he comes back.

I limp forward, one foot in front of the other, stumbling down the hallway until I throw myself against the front door.

So close.

My hands are numb and cold as I fumble with the doorknob. It slips out of my hands more than once, and before long I’m crying, sobbing my heartbreak down my face.

I can’t get out.

I can’t get away.

Finally, I grab hold of it, and my numb fingers turn it, and the door pops open in my hands. A shaking groan falls from my lips, my own little sound of triumph.

I stagger out the door, my breath coming in ragged gasps.

What if he comes back?

What if he finds me out here?

He could get angry. He could kill me. I need help. I need to get somewhere safe.

The cold air seeping in from outside slaps me awake as I lurch out of my apartment, the door swinging shut behind me with a resonating bang. My breath catches in jagged bursts, the sound of my own wheezing echoing in the empty space.

One shaky step after another, I hurry down the hallway, my eyes trapped by the frame of the staircase, calling to me.

Safety.

My safety is just a few flights above my head.

My heartbeat stutters in my chest as I finally grab the banister, my breath tearing in and out of my lungs as I begin to climb—slowly at first, and then faster, until I’m running, propelling myself up the stairs so fast that I stumble and nearly fall.

I need to get to him.

I need to get to the safety he offered me, if only I had been smart enough to take it before. I can’t think of anyone else who might help me—anyone who would even believe me.

I need him, because I trust him.

I know he would never hurt me.

Even if we’ve grown apart after all these years, he wouldn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t do anything like this to me.

I suck in a shaking breath as I make it to the top of the staircase, fighting for every breath.

It’s hard to keep going. I can feel the darkness creeping up on me, the weightlessness in my limbs that tells me I could pass out at any moment.

No. Not yet.

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