Page 45 of Penance

I nod, even though it’s not better.

It’s not, and it never will be again.

But I nod because I want it to be.

I just want to be okay.

Draco gets to his feet, standing over me, towering above me like the statue of some long forgotten god.

“Mercy,” he says, his voice eerily calm. “We should call the police. You need to report this.”

My stomach churns.

“No.”

“Mercy, whoever did this is out there. They could do this again, they could—”

“I said no.”

There’s a sharpness to my tone, and I swallow hard.

“They won’t believe me. They’ll say I deserved it. That I wasn’t pure enough, wasn’t good enough.”

My voice breaks, and the tears are back, and they feel so, so hot.

“You can’t let them get away with this.”

“I can’t let them know,” I say, looking up at him.

“Fuck the stupid church, Mercy!”

I flinch again. Shake my head.

“You don’t understand, Draco.”

“Me?!” he barks. He’s angry. I can hear it. “Idon’t understand? Comeon, Mercy.”

“This wasn’t the first time.”

“How long?”

“I’m pregnant.”

I say it like it answers the question, even if I know it doesn’t.

Maybe it does?

He already knew that. He was at the pharmacy.

The room begins to spin.

I feel like I’m floating again, like I’ll pass out.

I feel the weight of Draco’s hand as he reaches out, grabs my shoulders, shakes me just a little.

“Breathe, Mercy,” he tells me. “Stop holding your breath.”

Am I?

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