Page 61 of Penance

“Draco, I—I can’t.”

The thought of taking those pills, of acknowledging the life growing inside me, sends a wave of panic crashing over me.

“Mercy,” he says, his voice firm yet gentle. “You need to take care of yourself. And that baby.”

His gaze drops to my stomach, and then back to my eyes.

“Why?” I whisper, my lower lip shaking. “I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. Draco, why do I have to?!”

I can feel myself breaking all over again.

“Because,” he tells me, reaching out and grabbing my hand. He tips the pills into it and folds my fingers over my palm. “I’m telling you that you have to. That’s gonna have to be enough for now.”

Is he really pulling the ‘because I said so’ card right now?

I sigh, and my hand trembles. His fingers brush against mine, warm and steady, and I cling to them. I can see the concern in his eyes, and it makes me feel… guilty?

He genuinely wants to take care of me.

Of us?

The least I can do is comply.

I slap my palm against my mouth and swallow the pills dry, feeling them stick in my throat before sliding down. I gag, hard, my eyes watering, and Draco hands me the water bottle. I take a sip, are then another, and the pills are gone. Satisfied, Draco places the bottle on the coffee table, and then moves to sit beside me on the couch.

He’s close.

He’s really close.

His scent wraps around me—a mix of sandalwood and something musky, like a forest at night. I can feel the heat of his body. I can feel the solidness of his muscular shoulders.

It’s intimate, too intimate, but I can’t move away.

I take another bite of the sandwich, the bread filling up my mouth.

Will this ever get easier?

“Remember the church picnic in the third grade?” Draco asks, amusement in his voice. “You ate too many of those red candies—what were they called? Swedish Fish?”

I pause mid-chew, surprised. A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I look over at him.

“Yeah,” I say, and I snort a laugh. “Mother Margret was so angry. They were a reward for playing checkers, but I found them and ate them all.”

Draco chuckles, a deep sound that vibrates through me.

“And then we ran around and played tag in 85 degree heat, and you threw all of them right back up.”

The laughter that bubbles up from my chest is a surprise, but I’m glad for it. It’s like a spark of light in the darkness.

I remember that day.

It feels like an eternity ago now, when the world was so big and my biggest worry was stealing extra candy. I can remember it like it was yesterday—the sun-dappled grass, the other kids laughing, and the taste of sugar on my tongue.

Draco’s laughter mingles with mine, and for a moment, the shadows in his eyes seem to lift. It’s a glimpse of the boy he used to be, before the darkness claimed him. My heart aches for that boy, even as it fears the man he’s become.

Is he still in there, somewhere?

“You should have seen your face,” he says, grinning. “You were so scared. Then Mother Mary punished you, anyway. Kinda fucked up. I thought the puking was punishment enough.”

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