Page 72 of Penance

“I’m just cold,” I lie, trying to pull my hand away, but he holds fast, his grip tightening.

It’s like he’s holding me down, but he’s doing it… lovingly?

“Are you?” he asks, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand.

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t say anything.

The car lurches backward, and I gasp. I sit quietly as he merges into traffic, and before I know it, we’re roaring down main street, on our way to Dr. Thompson’s office. The city blurs past the window, a smear of color and light, but all I can focus on is Draco, and the way his hand covers mine.

What does it mean, and why can’t I think of anything else?

The drive is not long, but it feels like an eternity to me.

The car slows to a halt, the growl of the engine reduced to a low purr. I force myself to look out the window, and my heart pounds when I realize that we’ve arrived.

I swallow hard, my mouth dry as cotton, and look over at him.

Draco’s hand, still wrapped around mine, tightens until it’s very nearly painful, and then lets go and pulls away.

He turns to me, those dark eyes searching my face.

“Ready?”

I nod, even as a wave of nausea crashes over me.

I’m not ready.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to face this.

Draco steps out of the car, and I let myself do the same, stepping out into the chill late fall air. Before long, Draco is there, his hand on the small of my back, guiding me forward. His touch is firm, possessive, and I can’t help but wonder what it means.

Inside, the waiting room is a sea of strangers.

I feel their judgment.

I can only imagine what they must think of me, of us. The devout Christian girl and the tall, tattooed shadow. I want to scream at them, to tell them they don’t understand, that I don’t even understand, but all I can do is keep moving.

I float along, and before long the nurse calls my name, her voice too loud in the quiet room. Now they all know who I am, if they didn’t already, in a town this small.

She leads us to the exam room, talking the whole way. I can’t really concentrate on what she’s saying, so I just smile and nod. The room is dimly lit, and the exam table is a low shadow in the center. I perch on the edge, my hands folded in my lap, as Draco leans against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

The nurse turns to me, her smile kind.

“And is this the father?” she asks, nodding to Draco.

Her words hit me, leaving me stunned and speechless. I stare at her, my mind racing. My mouth opens and closes, over and over again, but no words come.

The room seems to tilt as I wait.

I’m going to fall.

No, I’m going to puke.

“I’m her friend,” he says.

Friend.

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