Page 73 of Penance

The word echoes through my mind, bouncing off the walls of my stupid, empty head.

Friend?

Is that what he is to me?

Is that what I want him to be?

I feel a pang of something—pain, maybe? But I can’t hold on to it long enough to figure out what it is.

The nurse nods, smiling.

“That’s great,” she chirps, turning to prepare the machine, looming in the shadows like a horror movie monster. “It’s so good that she has someone for support.”

“Of course,” Draco says with a nod. “I’ll always be there for her.”

He will?

What does that mean?

What does it mean?!

I can feel panic rising in my throat, and I have to swallow hard to chase it away.

What does he want from me?

What do I want from him?

What are we doing?

The nurse turns back to me, her smile excited and gentle.

“Ready to see your baby?” she asks.

I nod.

I’m not.

She helps me roll my shirt up and tucks a flimsy white paper into the front of my sweatpants. She finishes up by squeezing a clear gel onto my stomach.

It’s cold.

I shudder.

She giggles.

“Sorry, honey,” she says. “Darn stuff is always so cold.

I nod, my throat too tight for words.

The probe presses against my skin and slides through the gel. It feels odd, almost violating, in a way.

“Okay, here we go,” she says, turning the screen towards me.

I look over at the screen, staring at the little black and white blobs. The image shifts, static forming into shadows and shapes that make no sense to me.

And then, suddenly, impossibly, there it is.

A tiny, unmistakable shape.

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