Page 88 of Penance

I need him to want me, and I need it so badly it’s tearing me apart.

It hurts, like a physical ache that I haven’t felt before.

Say it, Mercy, a voice in my head pleads.

Say it!

Say it!

Say. IT!

I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but the words won’t come out.

“I… I don’t know,” I stutter. “I… Yes? I do. I want—

His eyes flash, and I shrink away.

Why is he so mad?

I don’t understand.

“Go to bed,” he says again. “Now.”

His words are like a slap in the face. I stare at him.

Go to bed?

After everything, that’s all he has to say?

I want to scream, to slap him. I want to demand answers. But all I can do is exactly what he said. I slide down off the couch and wobble my way across the room, into the hallway.

The tears begin to fall the minute I step into the hallway, and by the time I step into the bedroom and push the door closed, I’m almost hysterical.

He doesn’t want me.

Why doesn’t he want me?

Chapter 18

Draco

Acold sweat clings to my skin as I jolt awake. The room spins briefly before snapping into focus, like some kind of fucked up merry-go-round and I’m strapped to the seat.

I don’t dream—not often, anyway—but that’s definitely what that was.

I can remember it though, a little bit, but it’s slowly draining away.

Distorted hymns echo in my mind, familiar melodies that are warped and twisted into something grotesque and almost unrecognizable. I can still see her—Mercy—smiling serenely. She’s in the kitchen of a large, bright farmhouse, chopping vegetables, and three kids play at her feet.

Two boys and a girl.

They are an undeniable mix of both of us.

The thought should repulse me, but I feel something else.

Something that… hurts?

What the hell is that?

---