Page 89 of Penance

I rub my hands over my face, trying to scrub the images from the space behind my eyes. The couch beneath me is damp with sweat. I can feel it clinging to me underneath my shirt. My heart hammers against my ribs. My mind is spinning.

This isn’t right.

I don’t do domestic bliss.

I don’t donormal.

So why am I waking up with the taste of some fucked-up picket fence fantasy on my lips?

And why do I want it so fucking bad?

Why do I suddenly feel this fucked up need to make it happen, and to break myself apart until it does?

What? The fuck?

I swing my legs off the couch, planting my feet firmly on the cold hardwood floor. The sudden chill grounds me, but the dream… it lingers. Mercy’s soft laughter haunts me, her hazel eyes filled with a warmth that scares me.

This is her fault.

She’s seeping into me.

She’s getting into my fucking head.

I can feel it, like a poison coursing through my veins.

I can feel myself slowly dying, and yet, there’s a part of me that craves it.

No.

No.

Fuckno.

I won’t be swayed by some naive girl and her wide-eyed innocence.

I won’t be broken by Mercy fucking Clarke.

But even as I rise from the couch the unease remains, something that tears at the back of my mind. The dream was more than just a dream; it was a glimpse into a life I never knew I could want.

That terrifies me more than any demon I’ve ever summoned.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, running a hand through my hair.

This isn’t me.

I don’t do vulnerable.

But here I am, standing in the darkness in my living room, shaken by a fucking dream.

I take a deep breath, forcing myself to relax. I need to reclaim control, to remind myself—and Mercy—of who I am.

Of what I am.

The floorboards creak beneath my feet as I prowl down the hallway. I pause at the bedroom door, my hand hovering over the doorknob. I can feel her inside, my innocent girl.

I want to destroy her, to break her, to hear her scream and cry beneath me, but at the same time, something in me wants to hear her laugh like she did in the dream.

Want’s to hear her say ‘I love you, Draco’ like she did in the dream.

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