Page 14 of Break

He cares now? After shoving another woman in my face?

A blind man would have been able to see how much I’ve always loved him. I just locked it away in the back of my mind. Especially after he became a hotshot in college and on the ice. Puck bunnies went absolutely insane for him.

I grab the remote for the TV and press down on the volume button so that I don’t wake up the girls as I scroll through the channels.

It’s been amazing having them here, actually. We’ve finally stopped talking about James and Alex and have been focusing on a shopping spree today. They want some more clothes to keep here and have been hinting about staying. No fur off my back, they can live with me forever if they want. Another ‘fuck you’ to James. Maybe it’ll help him pull his head out of his ass.

Am I being petty? Fuck yeah.

Do I care? Nope… Well, sort of. I’ve never wanted to take advantage of him but I’ve just been so angry.

I watch the news for a bit, and eventually the girls step out of their caves. The sun is shining through the windows and I blink against the glare. Huh. I didn’t even realize I’ve been out here for so long. They both wave sleepily as they trudge into the kitchen and rummage around for their sustenance. There’s plenty. I still have a ton from the Evan’s. Maybe I can pick up something for them while we’re out shopping today. I still need to beg them to adopt me.

Speaking of parents, there have been unknown numbers that have been calling me lately, so it might be time to change my number again. The last time I answered, my parents tried to blackmail me, saying they deserve half of my paychecks for how much I ate as a child, and how expensive it was to clothe me.

Ha. I had to beg the neighbors for food and money for clothes when there wasn’t anything left at the church.

I laughed at them and hung up, rushing to the phone store to have my number changed. Not sure how they keep getting ahold of it.

This is when James would be here, holding me against him as we forget about our childhood while sharing a bottle of whiskey… Well, I can't do either of those things anymore. No whiskey and no James. Lucky me.

My stomach churns and I rush down the hall to my bedroom, barely making it to the toilet before I expel all of those strawberries I had this morning.

Damn it, crackers it is. My bad.

I sit back on my heels, using toilet paper to clean up my face. I flush the toilet and brush my teeth, rinsing my mouth out a million times. The perils of early pregnancy, the odd tastes and smells. What a joy to have a strange metallic taste in my mouth 24/7, too.

I step into the shower and stand under the hot water, letting it splash against my skin and the tiled walls. It feels too good for me to ever want to ever step out into the chilled air. I scrub my hair and body, waiting until the water starts to cool before I finally step out into the humid room.

I wrap myself up in a towel and sit on my bed. I left my phone out on the couch so I eventually have to leave my dark dwelling, venturing out into the wilderness of questions from the twins. Damn it. Maybe they were too tired to notice how fast I booked it down the hall to puke my brains out.

I get dressed for the day in my closet, a pair of jeans, some Converse, and a t-shirt that hides the bit of bloat I’m already sporting. Letting my brown hair air dry, I skip putting on any makeup, like most days.

I slowly leave my confines and step into the living room, noticing the remote in Caroline’s hand, she’s clicking it over and over as if it’s a new sport. She winks at me as she shuts it off,reclining back as if she’s queen. Getting ready for an inquisition. Shit.

“So… Do your boobs hurt?”

I frown at her and sit down, gripping my poor phone in my hand as hard as I can that was still left on the cushions. “What do you mean?”

Alyssa sighs and the girls share a look. “You’ve been off… We just assumed it had something to do with James. But every morning and sometimes at night we hear you puking. We were worried it was too much stress or… something bad. But now, we think you’re pregnant. Is that why you moved out?”

I lick my dry lips and look out the window to the backyard. “It’s a part of it.”

They both squeal and attack me with hugs and cheek kisses. “How far along are you? Are we shopping for the nursery today? Is that why you wanted to shop?”

I chuckle and shake my head, wrapping my arms around both of them. “No. I’m not shopping for the nugget until I know the gender, and that’s months away. Today is all about you girls, filling up your closets and rooms to help make you feel at home when you stay here.”

Caroline snorts and sends me a look. “We’re moving in. You’ve raised us, set aside your dreams to put James and us before yours. Screw that, we’re here. We’ll pick up all of our important shit from the house and we can shop for anything else. Does James know?”

My eyes widen and I shake my head. “Language, first of all. And second of all, no, and he’s not going to. I won’t be able to handle what comes out of his mouth. Raising you two wasn’ta hardship for him. He stepped up and made you guys his life, completely and utterly. But he’s been adamant since we were kids that he never wants children, and I’m not going to bring another baby into his life.”

Alyssa presses her lips together and stares down at her lap. “Is it because of us?”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Hell no. You girls are the light of his life, nothing will change that. He didn’t take you on and become a legal guardian because he had to. He did it because he loves you both so much that he couldn’t fathom ever being away from you. I stepped up because I was already too attached to you and didn’t have anything for me in California holding me back. I love it here, and I love the both of you with all of my heart…

“Our lives were tough before we moved here, our parents weren’t… good people. He’s known since he was twelve that he never wanted kids. He’s terrified of turning into your dad.”

Caroline blinks at the wall and shrugs. “Oh well, you’ll just need to have a ton of them for us to get our baby snuggles in!” Alyssa nods along and we focus on the TV while Caroline turns it back on and finally chooses a movie.

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