Page 42 of Break

“All right, fuckers, pack it up. Someone’s getting married tomorrow… So tonight, we party!” Nolan crows and we all chuckle.

Logan hoots and we all fuck around for a few minutes before heading to the locker room to clean up. Then suit up. Just like old times.

“Too bad we couldn’t do the party before now… How’s Bianca doing?”

Logan nods at me as we undress and step into the showers and I bask in the hot water. “She’s amazing. Told me she’s going to start sitting with Marie and the twins during the games. I guess some drama has been going on between some of the WAG’s. I haven’t asked. It’s one thing after another. I think it has something to do with Brittany.” He murmurs low in my ear and I frown at him.

“Morgan’s wife? Wonder what that’s about. Are they going to split?”

He shrugs and we rinse off before heading to our lockers to get dressed in our suits. We’re going to a few bars before heading over to Nolan’s house to relax in the jacuzzi and we’re all spending the night there. No women, no bunnies, no strippers.

Those were the only rules and Logan immediately agreed, telling all of us to behave or else.

The last week has been incredible. No home or away games, just having fun on the ice with my team, spending more time with Marie and the girls, and also spending way too much on shit for Marie’s babies.

I feel like I can’t stop fucking shopping for them. I even found infant bathing suits, life jackets, and little hats for the summer, so I got a few different sizes.

It’s like an addiction. We weren’t able to spoil the girls until they were a lot older, I was picked up by the Mavericks when they were twelve, so since then, they’ve spoiled like princesses. They cried when we moved into my house. That day is ingrained into my brain for the rest of my life.

Alex and I have barely been speaking. I have barely been at the house lately, and when I am, I feel like driving my head through a wall. I have no idea what to do or say after the wedding, but I can’t let the relationship go any further.

She has a lot of growing up to do and I just don’t think she’s going to any time soon.

I’ve finally fucked her a few times after I got the all-clear from my doctor... But it’s just not the same as it was when I had been with her before. Maybe now that I actually know her better as a person, the sex isn’t as good? Or I don’t have the amount of alcohol in my body as I had out at the bars when I met her?

Or is it everything surrounding Marie and her pregnancy that’s changing my mind. Like my body is wanting to gravitate towards the pregnant woman and force her to love me. If she would ever give me a chance, without dragging the girls through any unnecessary stress and dramatics, I would be begging on my knees for Marie to be mine.

Is that insane?

For years… I would have, should have.

I haven’t let myself really think about my feelings for her in years. But now that I feel trapped in this ‘relationship’ with Alex, I feel like I’m drowning. I haven’t told anyone what my plans are, it seems so damn shallow that I’m only with her because I already invited her to the wedding. I paid for her dress and shoes weeks ago. Logan and Bianca already have the RSVP, the limos and hotel rooms are already booked.

But, fuck, the sex? It’s boring. She just lays there and screams her moans for no reason. She doesn’t pull me closer, we don’t kiss. Plus I think I’m too paranoid to get too into it so that I can remember to pull out.

I don’t even have swimmers. The paranoia is driving me crazy. I should make it into a drinking game every time she brings up babies or an engagement ring. Apparently her mother wants us to get married in LA at some hotel. She wants me to buy one of her rings from her new engagement line. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even check my emails anymore because they send me a new one every day.

I’m at the point now where I just blink at her and leave the house before heading to Marie’s house.

I’m just done. I can’t do this to myself, or to the girls or Marie, anymore. Just for sex? What the fuck was I thinking.

She’s also not happy that I listed the house for sale. I actually did it. And if she has a problem with downsizing and living in a secluded area, then she can go back to her vacation house, which is the plan.

I don’t think she actually believed I would do it. That if she played the devil whispering into my ear, I would just go along with what she says.

She was also disappointed with her Christmas presents, too, and I was baffled.

Every year the girls and Marie get the same thing. Spa gift certificates, new purses, and usually a simple piece of jewelry. A necklace, earrings, or a bracelet.

So I gave Alex the same James Carter Christmas Special.

She frowned at her gifts and handed me one, which was a diamond encrusted Rolex that I’ll probably never put on. The only watch I do wear is the one Marie bought for me when I found out I was drafted.

It’s my good luck watch.

So the diamond Rolex sits in a drawer in my closet, right beside the drawer Alex threw her Christmas gifts in.

She’s also pissed at me for spending so much time with the girls, my own sisters, plus Marie. Maybe she’s more angry about the latter. She doesn’t understand that Marie is like family to me, and the twins are my literal family. My baby sisters.

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