Page 58 of Break

They’ll never meet their grandchildren. I’ll never hear their croaky, thin and weedy voices ever again.

James steps into the house, followed by Landon and Nolan. They all hear my sniffling and find that I’m crying. James shoves the platter full of steamy food to Nolan and rushes towards me.

“What’s wrong?” He places his palms on my face, pressing his forehead on mine as he drops to his knees before me.

“My parents… they’ve been dead for a few years, I guess. That was the lawyer's office that just called. My trust technically kicked in the day of their deaths. She’s flying out here tomorrow… I need a lawyer… probably an investment firm and financial advisors and a new bank… oh my hell.”

He sighs and pulls me into his arms. “I’ll take care of everything. You sit down, drink some water and eat. I’ll go grab the girls and have them choose a movie. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll call all of my people and have them meet at the same time the lawyer flies in. I’ll handle everything, okay?”

The rest of the night is more like a haze. I hear the girls talking and eating, the guys murmuring about their upcoming games and how much of an asshole their coach is lately. Apparently he just needs to get laid.

Some drama with Daniel and his daughter, Charlie. Apparently she wants to travel and not shadow him around the arena anymore. That’s not a shock. She doesn’t want to take over the team or the arena.

Something about Bianca and Logan, Morgan and his wife finally filing for a divorce, him demanding full custody of their three kids.

I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Everyone else is going through shit, too, but why does it feel so fucking insane right now? It’s one thing after another.

I hear the movies playing on the TV… But nothing is sticking.

I feel like I blink and it’s dark.

“Hey, come on. Let me help you get into bed.”

I frown over to James and glance around the empty room. “Where did everyone go?”

He chuckles softly and leads me down the hall to my bedroom. “The girls already went to bed, something about midterms. I kicked Nolan and Landon out about an hour ago. I wanted to finish the movie and I wanted you to sort your thoughts a little more before trying to sleep. Are you okay?”

I shrug and sit on the edge of my bed, staring down at my belly and rubbing it with my hands. “I… guess? I knew that I would come into the money eventually. It just seems so sudden. It never felt real until I heard the words pass through my phonefrom the lawyer. I’m so used to saving money and worrying that everything would be gone the next day. I’ll never get used to having a full bank account.

“We had nothing, James. Nothing. We used to beg at the churches for diapers and formula for the twins. Begging neighbors to clean their houses for some cash so that we could fill our own bellies. I sometimes still feel like I live that life. Sometimes I wake up in a panic worried about whether I'm able to shower or eat anything for the day.”

He sighs and kneels down in front of me, his palms warming my thighs. “I know… it took me years to really understand how blessed we are now. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in the NHL today, Marie. I probably wouldn’t have custody of the girls, they would be in foster care and I would be working at the rink in California in between bottles of cheap vodka.Youare the reason we have such an easy life now. Those babies are lucky to have you as a mom.”

I wince and look away. I need to tell him, don’t I? Before it’s too late. But how? I already feel like I’m drowning, might as well get it all out so that I can heal… Right? Shit.

Today is a shit storm. But in good conscience I can’t hide this from him. I just can’t. I’m too raw. This is all too much. Tears slide down my face faster and faster and I hiccup and try to hold back sobs.

I take a deep breath and stare into his light eyes. He looks so concerned, holding my face in his hands. “How long have you wanted me?”

He furrows his brows and rests back on his heels. “What do you mean?”

I huff and cross my arms over my chest, sniffling and trying to catch my breath. “You heard me.”

He sighs and runs his fingers through his blonde hair, closing his eyes. “For as long as I can remember, M. You used to drive me crazy when we were thirteen and fourteen… I got it into my head that I wasn’t good enough for you. You were always so mature, so beautiful. So I backed off and we just stayed friends. Then we moved here, I was so busy with school and hockey. You were busy with the girls, then community college, and working a part-time job at the local grocery store.

“Then time just… slipped away. The years passed and I traveled so damn much, you became a PA and we were like strangers in the night. I’ve always dreamed about you, wanting you against me. Touching and kissing your body. Those dreams were vivid as fuck, Marie… Sometimes I swore I could smell you.

“I have always loved you but you deserve someone far better than me. Someone who wants to be a father and that’s a good man.”

I lick my lips and blow out a slow breath… “And what if one of those dreams were actually real?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, frowning at me. “I would know.”

I press my lips together and look away. He grips my chin in his firm fingers and slowly moves my gaze back to his. “What are you saying?” He demands and zeroes in on me, looking all over my face. Searching for the answers.

My face crumples and the tears pour from my eyes again, the warm liquid dripping onto my chest. “The night of Logan’s engagement party… In August. We both drank too much. The girls were already asleep in the suite I was sharing with them atthe hotel. You and I went back down to the bar, laughing, telling each other stories. You asked me when the last time I had sex was. Then you tried to laugh it off. But then you asked me about the best sex of my life and I told you it was the night that Landon and I fucked in the locker room right before the rest of the team stumbled in from practice.”

I clear my throat and close my eyes. “You looked so pissed. We took another shot of tequila and you dragged me to the elevators to head up to the rooms and you shoved me into the wall, pressing your body against mine and telling me to never speak of my sex life again. That you couldn’t handle it. The doors opened and you stormed down the hall to your own room, and I stumbled to mine. Right as I opened up my door, you dragged me back down the hall and carried me to your room… I don’t think we slept a wink that night.”

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