Page 60 of Break

I doubt I’ll be able to be with another man. He’s ruined me, just as I always knew he would. Mentally, physically, and romantically.

I spend my days at the rink, charting, and talking to the team. I probably only have another month of being able to work before I’m unable to roll out of bed on my own, but I stay busy, concentrating on the present. The girls have already started packing for the three of us to head off on our adventure. Brenton is slower moving, but hopefully it’ll be a kick in the ass he needs to hire another OBGYN, PA, or a nurse practitioner to help him out in his office.

I don’t know where to go from here. I haven’t tried contacting or talking to James at all, and he hasn’t tried for me either. All of his belongings are out of my house, and I feel so damn lonely, desolate once again.

Maybe this is just how it was meant to be. Broken-hearted and alone. I certainly deserve it.

The girls know something is up, but they ignore it and focus on school, knowing to leave me alone. Their birthday was last week and all they wanted to do was spend a day at the spawith some of their friends. So I made it happen. Even though they chose the lake house as their gift, I still wanted them to have something special for their seventeenth birthdays since I’ve basically checked out lately.

I don’t know if James called them or saw them, they didn’t mention it. But they loved their spa day, and that’s all that matters.

____________

“Thirty-six whole weeks pregnant!” Brenton calls out as he enters the exam room. I’m done, so drained. My last day of work was last Wednesday and I’ve barely gotten out of bed. “How’s my favorite big mama feeling?”

I send him a glare and groan as I lean back on the table. “Exhausted.”

He winks at me and takes my vitals, grabbing the ultrasound machine to check on the placentas and the babies like we have once a week for the past month. “I would think you were an alien if you weren’t exhausted. After the ultrasound I’m going to check your cervix, okay?”

I sigh and nod, letting him do his thing. I went to the 4D ultrasound clinic two weeks ago. Alone. I ordered a higher package and had them frame and blow up the photos for me so that I can hang them in the nurseries. All of the clothes are washed and put away, bags are packed. I’m ready when they are.

“Wow, look at those babies.” He murmurs, pressing deeper with the wand, making me wince. “Your placentas look fine, babies are growing beautifully.” I nod and he winks at me. “Now for the fun part, I’ll help you get comfortable before I check you… Your cervix looks pretty short in the ultrasound. You might just be going into labor soon.”

I huff out a soft laugh and let him move my body around. The nurse knocks on the door and hangs out in the room while he does the exam.

“You’re dilated three centimeters and I feel the bag… The way they’re positioned, I don’t think a vaginal birth will be possible, Marie… Do you want to book a birth date? Preferably this week. I imagine your waters are going to break within days.”

I chew on my lip and tap my fingers against the table, the paper under my body crinkles with each movement. “I just feel weird picking their birth date, like it’s a bad omen or something. Do you really think I need a c-section? Can’t they move?”

He sighs and shakes his head, helping me sit up before he takes off his gloves and washes his hands. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?” He sticks his tongue out at me and steps closer, pressing a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be there with you every step of the way. Are Nolan and Landon in town? I can never keep track.”

I shake my head and lean back. “No, they’re out of town for the week. I’ll be fine. Bianca is in town and she can stay with the girls while I’m in the hospital. If the babies aren’t going to stay in then it’s just meant to be.” Damn the guys for being too damn good and being in the playoffs. They’ll probably be traveling and playing for another couple of weeks. “Will the babies be okay if they come now?”

He nods and pulls me in for a hug. “Absolutely. We’ll still check them out, but I don’t foresee any NICU time.” He rubs my back and stares into my eyes. “I would feel more comfortable if we do the c-section before you go into labor, it lessens the stress on the babies.”

I lick my lips and sigh. “When are you available?”

___________

Everything is a whirlwind after I left my appointment. I went home, grabbed my bags, and called Bianca. Brenton’s parents offered to stay at the house and cook and clean, helping me after I get back home. The car seats are set up in my car, the stroller is ready in my trunk.

The girls are following me to the hospital and they played rock-paper-scissor on who’s coming into the operating room with me.

Alyssa won and brought a camera with her to take photos. I’m betting she’ll end up using her phone instead.

I still haven’t chosen any names. Maybe Bernard as a middle name after my grandfather… Alyssa and Caroline both share the same middle name, Anne. So I’ll probably use that as a middle name for baby girl.

I feel like I’m running on fumes, my body is just done. I’m so exhausted mentally and physically. I’m sort of glad Brenton was able to get me in today instead of waiting around at home for my waters to break and end up needing an emergency c-section.

Bianca is getting comfortable at the house to help out with the girls while I’m recovering in the hospital, but it’s just not the same.

I want James.

He’s always held my hand when I got hurt, never leaving my side when I had my bones reset, stitches placed, and casts placed on my limbs and then removed several weeks later. He’s always taken care of me, and I have systematically ruined his life, haven’t I?

I understand if he never wants to see me again. I don’t blame him.

I just feel so bad for my babies. They’ll never know his love, his comforting touch. He always gives the best hugs and would do anything for anyone around him.

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