Page 12 of Balance

“So you won’t eat fast food, but you’ll chug four million grams of sugar in the morning?”

He purses his lips and makes a show of gulping his coffee down. “It’s delicious.” He clears his throat, setting the mug down on the island and staring straight into my eyes. “I’ve always had an easy life. My parents pushed me into hockey before I could walk. They paid for private lessons, coaching, and putting me on the best teams. I missed so much school that I almost didn’t graduate high school, and with my shitty GPA it was hard for colleges to want to accept me, even with my stats on the ice. Of course, one phone call from my parents, donating enough money to rebuild and feed an entire country, of course I was accepted intotheircollege of choice.

“It took until my senior year for teams to show me any notice. I did a lot of traveling, fucking around, and finally I chose the Mavericks’ offer out of a handful of other pro team offers, because it was far enough away from New York. But, unfortunately, not too far for them to know my plans to separate from them a bit.

“I love my family, but they care more about status and money than true happiness. They visit every Christmas and send giftsfor birthdays, even call once a month. It’s better than nothing, but sometimes I wish that they hugged me and told me they were proud of me.”

I nod and blink back the tears. “At least you have them in your life. I promise that I’m not trying to be dramatic or rude about it. They wanted the best for you and did so the best way they knew how. As long as they don’t try anything crazy with the girls, right? I hope that you can mend your relationship with them.” I send him a watery smile and focus on greasing a casserole dish. I place down some bread on the bottom of the dish, pouring the egg and water mixture over it, topping it off with diced mushrooms, broccoli, and tomato… then I add a bunch of cheese on top. Easy, simple, and healthy. Plus it’s going to taste delicious.

I cover it up with foil and place it in the oven, thankfully I remembered to pre-heat it and then set a timer.

He sighs and grabs a bottle of water, glancing down at his watch before grimacing at me. “Usually the girls are up by now, hopefully tonight is easier. I’ll call around lunch to talk to them, is that okay?”

I chuckle and nod, grabbing all of the dirty dishes to pile them in the sink and start to wash them. “I did notice you didn’t call at all yesterday. Please call. It must be nerve wracking to go from being with them every day for months to shoving a stranger at them so that you can work. It doesn’t hurt my feelings at all.”

He nods and smiles softly. The lines around his eyes deepen, but they don't take away from his beauty. “Thanks… I’ll call my lawyer today for updates on the Lindahl’s Nannies situation. I already faxed in the contract last night and he said he will send over your healthcare information and your account numbers within the next few days.”

I furrow my brows and glance over at him. “Account information? I added my bank account on there for the money to be sent to.”

He shrugs and turns away from me, looking for something in the drawers. “And I found you a better bank. A credit union that won’t fuck you every chance they get with all of their fees and bullshit. I set you up with a savings account with a high yield for you to move your money to and actually get interest from. Plus, I bank there, so it makes it easier to just wire you the money every week.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, he’s not trying to control me, right? He’s trying to make my life easier. He’s looking out for me… He’s not trying to manipulate or hurt me.

My mind is spinning, my heart is racing. Flashbacks of my mother and father pierce through my brain and feel like I’m bleeding out all over the kitchen floor.

“Hey… Hey, you’re okay. Did I do something wrong?” Morgan places his hand on my shoulder and I jolt, dropping the butter knife that I was furiously scrubbing.

I shake my head and blink at the bubbles in the sink. “No. Um… Just flashbacks. You’re fine. I know you’re doing things to be nice… But some, some controlling things trigger me. I’ll be fine.”

He steps back and turns me so that he can stare into my eyes. His hazel eyes are dark, concerned and worried. “I have to leave, but maybe we can talk about this tonight? I don’t want you to think you have to tell me everything about your life, but if you have panic attacks around the girls…”

I shake my head and turn off the water, turning to face him. “That was the first flashback I’ve had in… years. Since college. I’ll be fine. It wasn’t a panic attack, just some hard memories. I don’t lash out or freak out. Just terror.”

He nods and stares at me for a few more moments, running his fingers through his hair and checking his watch. “All right… I’ll call you in a few hours.” He grabs his keys and wallet from the island and heads to the hall towards the garage.

I focus on my tasks, making a mental list to take my mind off of… everything. I scrub the kitchen and let out a breath of relief when all three girls finally stumble out of their rooms right after 8:00.

“Good morning! Are you hungry?” They all nod and I grab the high chair from beside the wall, getting Tilly situated as I plate everything up for them. “Water, milk, or orange juice with breakfast?”

I smile as I fill their glasses, grabbing a notebook and a pen from the drawer as I flit around the fridge and pantry, making notes for what we need from the store. I can always place the order and have it delivered, or maybe Morgan can pick it up on his way home from work.

“Lily? Do you think we can go to the park today?” Avery asks as she sets her dishes into the sink. Goodness, she's such a sweet girl.

I nod. “Of course. I have the keys to the SUV if you girls want to drive instead of walk. How far is it from the house?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know… only a few streets.” I nod and pull my phone from my back pocket and pull up the maps. I have to zoom in but it’s about a twenty minute walk. Not too bad, but they might be too tired after playing to walk home, and I can’t really carry all three of them.

“We will definitely drive. Why don’t we head into the playroom and we can do some arts and crafts, then you girls can help me pack up a picnic.”

Nessa squeals and claps her hands. “Yes! I’ve always wanted to have a picnic. Can we bring blankets? And one of those baskets?”

I shrug and glance over at Avery. She shakes her head. “We don’t have baskets, but there are ice chests. It’ll still be fun, Ness. We can bring some toys to play in the sand with.”

After I get the younger two cleaned up, I leave the dirty dishes in the sink and set the casserole in the fridge before heading to the playroom to paint, color, and cut up strips of paper for them to roll up and glue beads onto.

The day is easy, so simple and still fun. At least for me. We head to the park around eleven after packing up sandwiches, sliced watermelon, and water. I let them play, eat, then we head back home for them all to rest and nap.

Even Avery played her heart out. It’s so wonderful watching how well the three of them get along, even if Avery needed some correcting. She acts like their mother more than their sister and it tears my heart out. I hope I can help heal her a little bit.

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