Page 13 of Balance

She needs to feel like a kid.

Morgan hasn’t called yet, so I make sure to keep my phone near in case he does.

It was a trip driving that massive Escalade around, too. I’m so used to my much smallernon-luxuryvehicle, but I figured it out easy enough. I parked like an asshole, taking up two spots in front of the park, but at least no one else was around.

Nap time was easy with Nessa and Tilly being so exhausted, and when I checked in on Avery, she was passed out in her bean bag chair with her journal still in her lap. I let her be, I didn’t want to impede her safe space or have her think I was invading her privacy, or that I read her journal.

I spent their nap time cleaning the kitchen and playroom, and dusting. Man this place needed that so badly.

I wanted to watch TV, but it just didn’t sound appetizing. So I just kept cleaning until I heard Tilly cry out for me.Me.By my name.

The little girl who has only known me for two days, called out for me.

I licked my dry lips as I stumbled down the hall into her room she shares with Nessa and cuddled her, rocked her in the rocking chair, and let her know that I’m here.

This is when I wish I could strangle this Brittany woman. They’re terrified of the women in their lives leaving, even after barely knowing them. Gosh, my heart.

After everything I went through as a child, I knew I wanted to be an advocate for children. I had this whole dream to open up non-profits and offer better opportunities for children in foster care or impoverished households.

Of course, life gets in the way. And no one really tells you how expensive all of that is, or how expensive it is to be an adult, period.

I knew I would never be able to come up with the money or any sort of backing for a business, so I just kept collecting degrees like pretty shells along the beach.

I wanted to become a counselor but knew my mental health would suffer. It would bring back the flashbacks, the terror, and the nightmares. And knowing I wouldn’t be able to personally save them would gut me. So I finished the degree anyway, not wanting to be a quitter, and I used those skills as a teacher.

And now with these girls, I can be here to help heal them. Talk to them. Be here for them. For as long as their dad will keep me around. And hopefully longer so that they don’t feel abandoned by me if Morgan doesn’t think my job as their nanny will pan out.

His words still circle through my brain.

Too young. Unqualified.

The frown and head-tilt as if he was rooting through my memories, my brain, to see if I was bullshitting him.

Gosh, it must be so hard to trustanyonein his life. Not only as a hockey player, but everything his ex-wife did to him, too.

Chapter 5

Morgan

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Lillian has been here with us for a week. I’m still… getting used to it.

Especially coming home to a clean house and happy children. They’re always fed and clothed in clean clothes, their hair is brushed and they’re smiling. There’s also always a massive dish plated for me in the oven.

All of our laundry is done and folded. Mine is always left in a basket in front of my bedroom door, she follows boundaries and all directions.

The girls are… calm.

Lillian is still having some issues at night time with the girls, but nothing like the first few nights. There are some fits and tears, but Nessa and Tilly are out by 7:45 like clockwork. Avery is an angel as always. I just hope that continues through her pre-teen and teen years. No one is ever that lucky, though.

It’s also pay day for my nanny. I have been holding off on bringing up anything to do with the bank account again, or anything that has to do with the contract. She mentionedflashbacks and the word ‘control’, but it sounds like it was from her childhood, not this ex-boyfriend of hers. At least I hope not. We haven’t been able to talk more about it.

It’s none of my business, digging deep into her past. My first instinct was to call up my lawyer about obtaining her medical records or hiring a PI, but I don’t want to scare the woman off.

I just want my girls safe. And I want to make sure that she’s okay.

The girls, they love her already. Avery tells me about how Lillian actually gets on the ground and plays with them. She never has her phone out, rarely gets distracted by anything else - which would be cleaning and organizing.

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