Page 15 of Balance

I also keep our conversations platonic, asking about the girls. She hasn’t shared another glass of wine with me since the first night, when I told her about my ex-wife. Sometimes I do see her checking out my body and it’s fucking adorable when she blushes and quickly glances away, as if she knows it’s something she shouldn’t be doing.

But I know it’s innocent, not another ploy. I think I would know by now, even if it’s only been a week. She also only calls or texts to ask questions about the girls.

The kids are besotted with her. Lillian also hasn’t entered any rooms that I told her are off-limits, and she’s always,always,dressed modestly.

She’s perfect. I really can’t fuck this up.

I park in the underground garage and get all of the girls out as we make our way to the elevators. “All right…” I pull a baseball cap down over my forehead and slide my sunglasses on. “Let’s see the damage we can do here.”

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Only about five people recognized me. I was able to nod to Lillian to get the girls to a different area so that I could sign autographs and take photos with my fake smile in place.

Other than that, I think we’re good. Now I just need to go to Target or something for school supplies, and then Avery is set. All three girls have a new wardrobe and shoes. I was able to shove Lillian into the women’s section at the department store and she grabbed three things and glared at me the entire walk to the registers.

I don’t think she’s taken a look at her new bank account statement. I might have told my lawyer to pay her triple of the agreed upon amount yesterday.

She cooks, cleans, educates, and spends time with my girls. They go to the park, the arcade, or the little movie theater in the community center every day. They eat almost everything she makes, and she rocks Nessa and Tilly to sleep.

I mean, come on.

Twenty dollars an hour was not nearly enough. And she hasn’t even had a day off yet. She hasn’t complained. She doesn’t curse or ever seem irritated or annoyed.

And I hate myself for staring at her ass every time she walks in front of me. Or her breasts when she’s distracted enough to not notice.

Or the way her gray eyes twinkle when she tells me the tales of what her and the girls did that day. When she dances and sings as she cooks and cleans the kitchen. She’s a breath of fresh air. And I’m a fucking asshole for wanting her.

What woman, young or not, would in their right mind want a man like me? Not even divorced yet, single dad of three kids, and about to retire after the season ends.

I’ve thought long and hard about it and I’ve decided to just retire when my contract ends. I have no idea what I’ll do with my time, but I do know that I want to make it up to my daughters for never being around for them.

I want to take them on vacations, go to all of the events at the school with Avery, even the parent-teacher conferences. I want to go to dinner with them whenever we want. I want to take them to New York instead of my parents always coming to Minnesota.

I want them to have a normal life.

By the time I retire, I’ll be thirty-nine. I have been playing hockey for over three decades, over thirty fucking years. And what do I have to show for it? Busted knees, scars, herniated discs in my spine, four concussions, and metal plates in my head, not to mention the screws and metal parts that make up my entire right leg.

And three little girls that I barely spent time with until this year.

It’s a no-brainer.

Will I miss the ice? Fuck yes. Will I still skate and play in a local league? Probably until the day I can’t anymore.

But something’s got to give. At least that was the one good thing Brittany was good for. She woke me the fuck up when sheleft. I know that a divorce can take several months, sometimes years, but I just want it over with.

By the time we get home, the girls are whining about being hungry again. Lillian has them go wash up and heads straight to the kitchen, washing her hands as she stares down into the sink with a deep frown on her face.

I sit at the island and tilt my head at her. “Are you… okay?”

She startles and nods, turning off the water before drying off her hands on the towel beside the sink. “Sort of… I opened up the documents when I went to the restroom after we had lunch earlier… I… That’s way too much, Morgan. Over ten thousand dollars for the month? The paperwork said you’re paying me monthly. I don’t understand how it’s that much, it must have been a mistake.” Her eyes are tearing up and she looks like she’s about to hyperventilate.

I don’t want to scare her by touching her, so I stay where I am, perched on the stool. I lick my lips and shrug. “That’s how much you’ll make until I hire a housekeeper. You do everything around here and it’s going to be more hectic when Avery starts school. She signs up for almost every after school program, she’s also mentioned she wants to start a sport, then there’s Nessa to think about. She needs to get back into school eventually. Kindergarten starts next year and the private school that Avery attends is… advanced. There’s a lot for her to know and she’s behind.”

Lillian takes a deep breath through her nose and nods. “Okay… Get me the school’s name and I’ll print everything she needs to be prepared for. There has to be a reason why she doesn’t like daycare or preschool. I’ll work with her on that and I’ll help Avery choose what she’s interested in. I really don’t mind cleaning… I live here and don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage, which I absolutely feel by making that amount.”

I chuckle and rub my hand down my face. “I don’t think you know how much I make in my position… I’ve been with the Mavericks for a very long time. I was twenty-one when they picked me up and I’m thirty-nine in a few months. Almost eighteen years, Lillian. Our team has made the playoffs at least five times since I’ve been on the team.

“I was captain until I suggested James to take over a few years back, I wanted a break from having so much responsibility on the team and he’s been great. Sorry, I’m rambling… Lillian… Ten grand a month is… literally nothing to me. The house is paid off, the cars are paid off. Avery’s school is paid in full until she graduates from high school. Their college funds are filled. I have more money in different investments, stocks, bonds, and charities that I have two different investment firms and financial advisors with my portfolios, with enough money in my main checking account to pay you for the next twenty years, in cash… upfront at the amount I’m paying you.

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