Page 28 of Balance

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Betty Francine Langston-Wilder passed away peacefully on Sunday afternoon at three PM, while holding my hand. Marissa rushed me out of the home before anyone else saw me there outside of the staff she trusted before Betty’s kids showed up. If they even did.

I went straight back to my hotel, packed up, and called the airline to see if there were any earlier flights.

The entire flight home just felt like a dream, like nothing was really happening around me.

She’s… dead. I never got to hear her voice. I never got one of her famous hugs. I made sure to talk to her and tell her I loved her so much over the last few days, I prayed that somewhere inside of her, she knew I was there.

I just feel so empty, so broken. At least I have a life to look forward to, taking care of those three little girls. I have to wake up early to make breakfast and take Avery to school. I have two little ones to care for for the remainder of the day. I’m allowed to have tonight to just… break. I just hope it can hold off until I’m home.

Home. When did I start feeling like Morgan’s house was my home?

At least I hope it can be. I don’t have high hopes for a relationship with him, but I love my job regardless. Even if the most that happens between us is heavy flirting and sometimes kissing, then that’s fine with me. If that’s all he can give. I’ll take it.

I don’t think I can handle a relationship right now. I just feel so damn lost and broken. I don’t want Morgan to feel used.

I feel like I’m walking through a fog as I walk to the baggage claim and roll my luggage outside. I hail a taxi and stare out the window the entire drive back home. I didn’t tell Morgan I was coming early, I know I should give him a call or a text.

I just need silence right now.

I feel like I blink and the taxi is pulling up to the gate. I roll my window down and wave to Tony. He nods and lets us through and then I’m hopping out of the car after paying.

My luggage is heavy in my hand as I unlock the door and type in the code to the alarm system, resetting it after I close and lock the door.

Hopefully Bianca is sleeping. I don’t want to freak her out.

I head to the island and leave a note, letting her know that I’m back and will be up around seven if she’s up before me.

I collapse into my bed and cry myself to sleep. How long will it take for me to feel better?

Probably never. But I’m just going to miss her so damn much. I will never be able to repay Morgan for helping me through this. If he didn’t bring this shit up with his lawyer, Marissa probably never would have called me. I never would have been able to say goodbye.

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I woke up surrounded by all three girls. The sun is barely rising so they must have somehow figured out I was home. I hope they weren’t checking for me every night.

I stay still as I listen to their little breaths and snores, basking in the love and life they breathe into me.

I must have been out of it last night to not have woken up when they crawled into my bed. Gosh, these brave girls are becoming so precious to me. They’re giving me a reason to get up and live today.

Eventually Tilly stirs and sits up to smile at me. “Lily!”

I smile and hold out my arms for her to cuddle and she wiggles around until she’s in a position she’s comfortable in.

“I’m hungry.”

I snort and we slowly get out of bed, waking up the other two. “Good morning girls. What sounds good for breakfast?”

Avery grumbles as she slides off my bed. “Egg burritos?”

I nod. “That does sound delicious. Go get ready for school and I’ll do your hair after we eat.” I tell Nessa to head to her bathroom to wash up and I take Tilly to mine to try to use the potty. She sits for a few minutes but she doesn’t pee. Hopefully soon.

I carry her to the kitchen and find Bianca sipping coffee. She winks at me as she grabs her bags and gives Tilly and Nessaa hug. “I saw your note at like four AM when I grabbed some water. When I checked on the girls I saw them all with you. Did you grab them last night? I totally slept through it.”

I shake my head and wash my hands before I start pulling the food out of the fridge. “No… I think somehow they just knew I was home. They’ve been sleeping with me every night for a few weeks now. How were they this weekend?”

Bianca smiles and it lights up her face. She’s a gorgeous woman. Tall, curvy, with blonde hair and deep green eyes. “They were great! Tilly woke up a few times during the night, but I just rocked her and she went back to bed. No issues.”

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