Page 34 of Balance

“You know plenty about me, Morgan… Well… nothing much about my past, but does any of that matter? Well, technically I did tell you quite a bit.” I sigh and rest my head on his and soak in the warmth from his body and from the flames. “The first twelve years of my life were a nightmare. My adoptive parents were awful. Luckily a majority of the week I had nannies and tutors… but I was never allowed out of the house. Never went to school, never made friends my age.

“They were grooming me from a young age to be sold from the very beginning. I used to be locked in my room… but I still heard the screams.” I shake my head, trying to dispel those memories. “They controlled every aspect of my life. When and what I ate, when I slept… when I used the bathroom. I was raised to be the perfect little teen bride. Submissive, never looking anyone in the eyes. Keep my head down, be seen not heard.”

He shudders and tightens his arms around me, letting out a harsh breath.

“I’d been in therapy for a… very long time. Not just what I endured myself, but also from what I heard and saw. They would buy other children… Essentially it’s easier to figure out when youread their charges… Child pornography, assault, murder. Sex and child trafficking.”

“Fuck.” He grunts and slowly looks up into my eyes. “So the contract… how… how I was in the beginning, it truly triggered you, didn’t it?”

I shrug. “I’ve learned a lot of coping mechanisms over the years. I haven’t had any nightmares or significant flashbacks in a long time. I was on medications for them for years, but got off of them when I had some health issues a few years ago. Now I’m just on hormones.”

He leans back so that I can see his eyes. “But you’re… well now? I’ve been wanting to ask…”

I nod and lick my dry lips. “Perfectly fine. I wasn’t sick, just in a lot of pain. Had a few surgeries. All good now.” I’m sure he has no idea what the hell I’m talking about… but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about any of that with him. I’m unable to have children, unless I find a man that wants my babies bad enough that he forks out thousands of dollars for a surrogate…

I have my eggs frozen out in San Francisco. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever need them, but I have the option to donate them to help other people that can’t have children.

He smiles and sits down on a chair and cradles me in his lap. Our wine is still too far to reach but I don’t mind. Sitting here with him under the stars, beside a fire, while breathing in the fresh air and the burning wood… him. This is perfect.

“What about you? Anything you want to tell me about yourself?”

He shrugs. “Not much to tell… My parents aren’t terrible, they just expected a lot from me. Dad’s a lawyer and mom is an interior designer. They worked, and still work, a lot. They had high expectations and since I enjoyed hockey, I was forced into it and trained to be the best. I went to the best schools for the best education… went to Colombia and was expected to graduatewith the highest grades, become a lawyer, but I ended up being picked up by Minnesota before I graduated. My parents didn’t talk to me much until Avery was born.”

I frown and lean my head on his shoulder and sigh. “Were there any good memories? Trips? Being around them when you all laughed and smiled?”

He chuckles. “Not really. I had a lovely nanny when I was young.” He kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tighter. “When she wasn’t driving me around to my hockey practices we would go to the park, zoos… she would take me to birthday parties and out for ice cream without my parents knowing. They weren’t very involved in my childhood.”

“I’m sorry. You’re an amazing father. Those girls love you so dang much.”

He tenses. “I wasn’t always… For the first few years of my marriage, I was here with Avery and tried so hard to make Brittany happy. Spending money left and right to bring a smile on her face. After so long of her wanting more, more, more and her not wanting anything else from me, I focused on hockey. Then Nessa was born and I just couldn’t be here. Brittany and I were constantly fighting. I was out drinking, out almost every night. After Tilly was born we both just sort of… snapped.

“I was home more, but when I was home, Brittany wasn’t. It didn’t click until about a year ago that shit wasn’t as great around here as it seemed. I had a full staff to help her out so the house was clean, the kids ate healthily… the nanny did her best, but went on vacation a lot.

“So, instead, the chef and housekeeper were paid off to watch the girls and let Brittany gallivant around… even out of state when I was traveling with the team.”

I close my eyes, my heart just breaks for those little girls. “Did she ever try with them?”

He chuckles. “No. As soon as we said our vows she got what she wanted. Either she didn’t read the documents she signed or she thought I would never divorce her for some reason.”

We’re silent for a while, we watch as the fire starts to dim, the smoke floating around us like a cloud. “Have you heard anything from the PI?”

“Nope… nothing. I’m not sure if he’s started yet though, I’ll call Andy in the morning. It might be a few days before we get any news on her whereabouts. Are you going to read everything he put together for you?”

I chew on my inner cheek. “Will you be there with me? I… I don’t know what’s going to be in the papers. Am I going to be able to fight Betty’s children? Do I even want to?”

He hums and kisses the back of my neck. Fuck, he won’t stop touching me. I’m caught in between wanting more and wanting him to stop.

It hurts too much. Not knowing if he truly wantsme.

“You have me… and Andy. He offered to help you out with this. He’s more of a friend than he is my attorney. If you want to sit down with him after you read through everything to know what your options are… you can do that, too. Maybe we can have him over for dinner.”

I nod and spin around, straddling him. I send him a soft smile. “Thank you… for everything. Especially with letting Mackenzie stay here. I think… I think something awful happened to her. She won’t tell me anything until she sees me tomorrow in person.”

He nods at me and wraps one hand around the back of my neck, drawing me closer. “Of course, Lillian… anything for you.” He presses his lips to mine and I moan into his mouth. His tongue is so warm and soft, he still tastes like the sweet wine that we forgot about, only having a few sips from our glasses.

I press myself closer, harder against him, arching into him when I feel him start to harden beneath me. I lean back and lick the taste of him from my lips.

“Please,” I whisper and his face darkens with desire.

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