Page 48 of Balance

I know it’s unfair for me to wish for my best friend back, especially after not knowing what happened to her.

But I need some support, too. I just feel so fucking lost, pissed, and empty at the same time that I feel like I’m going to explode.

We head out and I grab my keys from my purse before stepping into the kitchen and glancing at the three little girls that have burrowed so deeply into my heart that I feel like they’re a part of me now.

“Hey,” I kneel down and sigh. “I’ll be back soon. Have your dad call me if any of you need me, okay? If you wake up tonight and need some cuddles, your dad’s room will be open, okay?”

Avery frowns and wraps her arms around me, pressing her head to my shoulder. “Are you mad at daddy? Are you going to come back?”

I hum and close my eyes. “I’ll be back when he needs me to be. But I just need some time, okay? It’s nothing any of you girls did. Just enjoy this time with your dad and have a good day at school tomorrow, okay?”

I kiss all three girls on their heads and don’t look at Morgan as I head down to the garage and slip into my car.

At least we were able to move the cars around so that Mackenzie’s rental wasn’t just sitting in the driveway.

“Do you want to return the rental car?”

She shrugs and buckles herself up. “Once my face is completely healed I’m going to start applying for jobs. Maybe I’ll find a nice restaurant to serve in. No more bars or dancing for me.”

I frown and back out, closing the garage after I head down the street towards the gate. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I have her look up the resorts that are around here and try to just clear my mind. Maybe I just need to focus on my nanny duties and paying down my debt. Also focusing on Betty and trying to find a teaching job.

I knew this was all a bad idea. We’re just in different phases of our lives and he thinks I need more than he can give me.

We pull up to the hotel and park since we only have one bag each, no need for someone to valet my Nissan anyway.

We walk up to the doors and head over to the desk. I’m barely paying attention as I’m handing over my cards and signing paperwork. She hands us some pamphlets and room keys, sending us on our way.

I did hear that there’s a bar here, along with a 24/7 gym and pool. So that will keep us occupied.

We step into a bright and airy suite, there’s only one bed but I doubt Mackenzie will mind sharing. Plus, I’ve gotten so used to sleeping with the girls, so much so that I’m not sure I would have been able to sleep tonight.

I sit down on the bed after dropping my bag and purse and just close my eyes. I’ll take a look around after I make sure to calm down some more.

I feel lost and confused. Not as angry anymore.

Mackenzie kneels in front of me and I tense when she places her hands on my thighs. Her eyes fill with tears and she immediately closes them. “I was dating a guy that I met in the club. He seemed nice… Had money. He started taking me out, showing me off to his friends. We hadn’t slept together yet and I thought, ‘man either this man is gay, or he’s actually treating me right.’

“So, weeks go by. He buys me new dresses and shoes… Hands me cash to get my hair and nails done. Then one night when I’m working, he stalks in and watches me dance. I could tell from how tense he was that he was upset about something. I assumed it was his job. So when I took off my bra, I flung it out into the crowd and danced harder, more seductively, thinking it would help.” Tears fall faster and faster and she clears her throat.

“That night he was silent. Waited for me to be done, showered, dressed. He guided me to his car and didn’t speak a word to me until we were at his condo. As soon as the front door was shut and locked behind him, he just snapped. Beat the shit out of me, had… sex with me when I was screaming and bleeding on his fucking floor. Finally I screamed loud enough, long enough for the neighbors to notice something was up. When the cops showed up he told them that I attacked him first while we were having sex and that I tried to kill him.

“I’m just a fucking stripper. I was terrified they were going to believe him. They separated us and took stock of my injuries and noticed that he had none, only the swelling and bruising on his knuckles. He was covered inmyblood. So the assholes finally allowed the EMT’s to help me out and take me to the hospital. I filed the police reports and begged for a restraining order.

“They arrested him and he was out the next day. Instead of waiting around for him to come back for me, I booked a flight here. I have no idea if he’s going to be held accountable. If he’s going to come after me. I can barely be around Morgan. I don’t know if I’ll ever heal.”

I slide down onto the floor in front of her and open my arms, giving her the choice to come to me. She falls into me and sobs, her hot tears sliding down my neck and chest as she lets it all out.

“Mack… I am so, so sorry. Anything you need. Me, therapy, and a safe place to live. Take as long as you need to heal. Do you want me to talk to Andy, see if he knows anyone that can help? I don’t think he’s a criminal attorney.”

She nods against me and shudders. “Anything. Please. I have money to pay for everything but I just can’t do it on my own.”

I blow out a slow breath and kiss her head. “Betty died.”

She jolts and blinks up at me, her face draining of blood and all color. “Oh my god… Lillian.”

I nod and bite down on my lip. I tell her about the phone call from the nurse at the nursing home, the trip out there, and holding Betty’s hand as she took her last breath. About how alone she was, how she remembered me. How I’m seeing Andy this week to see what we can do legally. She already knew everything about Betty’s children blocking me from seeing or speaking to her. The house and the cars being sold.

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