Page 71 of Balance

I feel like crying. I never got to see him play in person. I never got to breathe in the icy air and feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. Watching him in all of his muscled, Viking glory.

He steps closer and moves his thumb under my eye and down my face, trailing after the warm tear that escaped. “Don’t cry for me, my love. I’m okay. It’s for the best anyway. The girls need me. I want to move somewhere that works out better for all of us. Maybe closer to James and Marie since you seemed to get along with her.”

“When will you know for sure?”

He sucks in his bottom lip and glances away from me. “I’m already pretty sure I’m done.”

I shake my head and step closer, almost as if we’re opposite sides of a magnet. I just want to be near him, to touch him. I place a hand on his warm chest and touch my cold bare toes to his.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and lightly wrap my hands around his hips.

He snorts under his breath and kisses the top of my head. I breathe him in and let the tears fall, soaking his pristine shirt. “Don’t be sorry for me. I’m sorry about everything. All of the damn drama. All of my stupid shit when I should have been communicating. Everything with my ex, the girls. My stupidity, my asshole parents. You don’t deserve any of it and I understand if you want a break from me, from us,” he places his left hand on my shoulder and I blink up at him. “Believe me when I say that I need you in my life. You’re in control here, Lill. Just tell me what you want.”

I chew on my inner cheek and close my eyes. “I…”

“Daddy! Come play!” Tilly screams and crashes into us. I try to hold onto Morgan so that he doesn’t hit or move his shoulder, but the groan under his breath makes me wince.

He tries to smile down at her as she jumps up onto me. “Okay, baby. I’m coming.”

We head back into the playroom and I sit down in front of the television while Tilly jumps off of me and tackles her sister. I snort under my breath as I get comfortable, crossing my legs underneath me. Morgan collapses down onto the small couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

I stare into his pale, drawn face. Seeing the pain in the tense muscles of his neck and jaw. I close my eyes and shake my head, trying not to let the tears fall all over again. I listen to the girls screaming and laughing, getting into mischief.

Is it bad that I’m happy that Morgan’s parents are gone, though? I was so fucking annoyed and pissed that I was going to lose it if they stayed for one more day. I have no idea how I survived that.

I chuckle under my breath and slowly stand so that I can put together some snacks or an early lunch. Who knows what they ate for breakfast.

I leave the three of them in the playroom, heading out into the hall to make my way to the kitchen. I open up the doors to the fridge and sigh. So many leftovers, and the weird concoctions that Morgan’s mother threw together.

I don’t think that woman has actually cooked a damn day in her life.

I pull out one of the casserole dishes and gag when I open it up. I don’t even think the chicken is cooked at all. When the hell did she even make this?

I frown as I just throw it all away, including the dish. There’s no way I would be able to eat out of this again.

I pull out everything I need to make some hummus, all of the vegetables to clean and chop up, then I start on some sandwiches.

After I finish up and wash my hands, I lean against the counter and stare out the window towards the backyard. The clouds eclipse the sun, making it look gloomy for a few moments, but the small waves and reflection on the lake brings me peace and serenity.

Should I actually give Morgan a chance? Not just this limbo where we're sort of together but still separate?

Never to be able to have biological children? Should I accept him as he is, his children, ex, ‘baggage’ and all?

Should I believe him when he tells me he wants me? Wants this? Wants to build a life with me, even after all of the miscommunication and the nonsense?

I chew on my lip as I tilt my head to the side, scratching up and down my arms to ground myself.

To be honest, I don’t know if I can imagine leaving him or his girls. I love it here. The love, the peace, the tranquility in this house. How much he’s changed for his daughters. How much he wants to change his life and build a new life with them. How he isn’t raging, going off on a bender, or ruining his life after he was hurt.

Will he ever even be able to play again? Even for fun?

I feel his warm arm wrapping around me from behind, his hot breath tickles my neck as he presses his lips to my skin.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

I lean back against him and heave out a soft sigh. “Everything and nothing?”

He chuckles against me and presses his hardening cock against my ass. “Everything, huh? How about how much I missed you pressed up against me? How much I want to kiss, lick, and touch every part of you. How I want to sink into you, hear your soft moans…”

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