She strode over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of earrings, slipping them on as she watched me struggle to look like anything other than a baby giraffe. Flip flops were definitely not a good thing to wear when I was hungover.
“You’re not going out in that, are you?”
I looked down at myself and frowned. “Why? What’s wrong with it?”
Cocking an eyebrow at me, she walked over to the window and pulled apart the curtains. “Other than the fact that it’s raining? Honestly, you look like a hooker who just stumbled out of her latest John’s apartment.”
Sighing, I flopped back on the bed. “Ugh, I don’t have the energy to put on anything else.”
“Then, I would definitely recommend staying inside. Besides, you quit. What could you possibly need to leave for?”
I rolled my head and winced at the bright, dim light shining through the window. “I need to sneak into the office.”
She snorted. “Good luck with that. They’ll have stripped your access by now.”
I continued to stare at her, knowing she would catch on eventually.
“No,” she said, backing away as she realized what I was saying. “I’ll get fired!”
“You won’t get caught.”
“Puh-huh! I’m literally your only friend in the office. There’s no way they’ll believe Fat Suzy let you in. She hates you more than salads!”
“Maybe I snuck in of my own accord.”
“Your own accord? Right now, you can’t even spell that!”
“Look, I just need you to distract Jerry so I can slip through the lobby unnoticed. He likes you. He’ll flirt with you while I get on the elevator. Then we can ride up together and?—”
She held up her hand, stopping me before I could continue. “Ride up in an elevator with cameras. Where they will see me riding with you. Where I won’t be able to deny that I saw you,” she pushed.
“Right. So, I’ll take the stairs. Granted, it’ll suck and I’ll probably puke?—”
“Leaving behind DNA evidence.”
“In puke?”
“Could be. I’ve never tested it, but it seems like something you wouldn’t want to leave behind.”
“I’ll risk it,” I muttered. “I need to get in his office.”
“Why?” She sighed, sitting down on the bed. “Piper, he dumped you. Or…you dumped him?” She cocked her head to the side in thought, then shook her head. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. You’re over. Let him go.”
“Oh, believe me. I’m letting him go, but he threw out all my stuff or sent them off to Buffalo.”
“Why would he do that? Did you used to live in Buffalo?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “No, it’s the saying.Shuffle off to Buffalo.”
“That’s not a saying.”
“It’s totally a saying,” I argued.
“Fine, then tell me who says that.”
I ignored the way she crossed her arms over her chest, daring me to come up with some shitty excuse of a person. “My mother used to say it.”
The grimace on her face said it all. “Aside from your mother’s horrible references to bison, which doesn’t even make sense, there is no reason to go to his office. It’s just asking for trouble.”