Page 30 of Break

When I walk back out into the main therapy room, I leave my office open, making sure they see I’ve rejected the stupid flowers.

Knox doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t approach me. He doesn’t do anything. Jaxon flexes his hand and shakes his head. He looks pissed and not with me.

Dimitri’s eyes go to Jared, who’s watching me with blatant curiosity. He could have stepped in. He could have done more than try to talk. He could have…

Apparently, I’m expecting too much from the world. I expect people to do the right thing, and every time, I’m let down. The police, the guys, my dad, my mom, Jared.

“Hey,” Ben says.

I jump, and he motions to my office. I force a smile. “What’s up? How’s your ACL?”

“How’s your head?” he asks.

I blink at him. He looks at me intently. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, Hope. You don’t have to tell me anything. But if you need something, I can help. Therapists, a new place, a way to make more money, a way to disappear somewhere else and actually be able to function… I have a lot of reach, and if you keep making that face, I’m going to assume you need it.”

“Ben, I’m… functioning,” I whisper, not willing to lie to him.

“If you need some backup, I’m a big guy too. Not everyone knows how slow I am,” he says with a goofy smile. “You’re part of this team, though. If you need something, if someone’s upsetting you, scaring you, anything, all you have to do is say the word and it’s taken care of.”

“I’m okay, Ben. Or at least, I will be,” I say.

“Just say it, Hope. And I’ll help in any way I can,” he says and leaves my office.

I’m well aware of what the guys on this team can do. I saw it last night. If I would have seen it seven years ago, maybe things would be different.

Since it’s not, I’m just going to have to learn whom I can trust and kick everyone else to the curb. Because I’m in short supply when it comes to forgiveness and the only person I’m interested in forgiving is my younger self. It wasn’t her fault, none of it was, and it’s time I accept that other people failed me, that I was a victim and that I can be more as long as I love myself enough to speak up.

Seventeen

My shadows never leave me, hiding in the distance, lurking and watching. Everywhere I go, they go. But they never approach, never yell after me. In some way, they do leave me alone, they do give me space.

Perhaps this is their way to ensure my safety, but that ship has sailed a long time ago. The scars are already there, on my skin and soul. They can never take them back, erase them, or make thembetter.

The other guys of the team notice there’s something up as yesterday, Ben tried to show he’s willing to help in any way, or Jared and his words.

But I don’t want to rely on anyone. I know I have to do it myself. Get stronger, get better. And yes, by taking my dad out of the equation, my three shadows did help.

I’ll never say thank you. I’ll never expect anything else from them but maybe, just maybe, they won’t hurt me again as they now know how truly broken I am.

Unfortunately, Jaxon, Knox, and Dimitri aren’t as easy to banish as shadows. I can’t just fill my life with light and be done with them entirely. Jaxon comes to see me about his hand and Knox shows me his.

The bruises are bad and Jaxon has a dislocated finger. I watch both of them for a long moment. I can’t turn them away and they know it. I walk them both into my office but leave the door open.

Knox looks from me to the door. “I thought there was some confidentiality here.”

“And I thought I was clear,” I whisper.

Both of them look at me for a moment, then Jaxon looks to Knox. “Clear about what?”

“Nothing.”

“Leave. Me. Alone. We have to see each other while we work. That’s it. Jaxon, your finger needs to be reset. An actual doctor can do that or—”

Before I get the word out, Knox reaches over and takes care of it. Jaxon curses, probably every curse word I’ve ever heardleaving his lips in one sentence, then he grits his teeth. Knox pats Jaxon’s arm.

“Saved you a trip to a less interesting doctor,” he comments.

“Thanks,” Jaxon hisses.

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