Page 14 of Protect

Is this love? Is this what I’m made for and is it wrong?

My breath is sharp. My heart pounds against my ribs as my eyes flick to the door and to Knox.

“Open your legs,” he whispers as his thumb grazes my bottom lip.

I shake my head and try to back away, but Jaxon holds onto my arms and keeps me pressed against his chest.

Dimitri doesn’t wait as he tugs at my pants, ignoring my kicks and whimpers as it only seems to spur him on.

“Don’t do this, please,” I plead to all three, but their touch burns into my skin, marking me.

A mark I can never scrub off my body.

There’s no disgust as I think back to that night, not anymore. There’s some lingering anger, but… a strange part of me is starting to get grateful for it. It’s probably not the right thought, but that day I ran. I got out, I was free.

Was.

I hated the trickle of tension down my spine that day, I hated how my hips bucked when Dimitri plunged his tongue inside me. I hated how they made me come.

And then it changed—I lured Knox into taking me, fucking me against my door and it felt… so… freeing.

Again, free.

I sigh, my stomach rumbling. The only thing that keeps me sane are my thoughts about them. They are real, raw, and dirty.

They are fucked up, just like I am.

“I’m messed up,” I whisper as my hand presses on the scars on my chest. “So messed up.” A soft laugh bubbles from me and I wonder how long it’ll take before my sanity slips through my fingers.

Will it be before my dad breaks me or after?

Every time I had some hope to hold onto, it shattered. It was always too weak to truly grasp. I could never change the outcome, the way my father used me for his pleasure, his pain.

It all changed when my mother left without a word. She never said goodbye, never gave me one last hug or kiss. How could sheleave me with this monster? Or was she afraid too? Did he use her, hurt her like he does with me?

I close my eyes and focus on her black hair, the soft smile she always gave me.

“It will all be okay, sweetie,” she whispers as she pats my scratched knee with a wet cloth. “You should be more careful.”

“I’m sorry, Mommy,” I say and my leg twitches as she wipes away the last bit of blood before putting a band-aid on.

“There you go, good as new.” She pushes herself off the ground and tucks my hair behind my ears. “Go get your daddy, dinner is almost ready.”

I blink away the tears as my life seemed so different, so much calmer.

The lock turning stops my trail of thoughts and I crawl back against the wall as I hold my breath.

Sunlight filters through the door and my eyes squint from the brightness.

“Come, eat,” my dad calls out, his voice strangely calm, and yet, I don’t dare to move.

He sighs sharply, annoyance lacing his breath as he walks inside. I crawl back as if I can move up the cold wall.

“No, no, I’m not hungry,” I whisper and clench my thighs shut.

“Don’t be like that, I know you need to eat something.” His voice almost sounds normal and he stands still a few feet away from me. His silhouette blocks the light from outside. He reaches out with his hand and I shake my head.

“Don’t touch me,” I sneer.

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