Page 23 of Protect

Her parents argued, her mom always gave in, always got quiet first. Hope would cover her ears, listen to music—her mother always made sure she had good-quality headphones.

Dad said we needed time out of town. That being cooped up in our neighborhood was causing their fights. So we came to the cabin up north. Dad always feels better when he’s fishing. I think he likes knowing he’s capable, or the fresh air really is good for him. Mom and I enjoy it too.

It’s nice up here. I see squirrels and deer. This morning, Mom showed me how to get close without scaring them. We were able to roll them some apples and I hope they’ll come closer tomorrow. Dad’s been out at the water all day, so he’ll come home with fish for us.

Maybe we can have smores like we used to, sit around the fire, and Dad will tell stories about how fast and hard he fell for Mom. They’ll remember what’s important, like in the romcoms Mom and I watch when Dad’s coaching. Then we’ll be happy.

No one will have to pretend.

A cabin? He never mentioned a cabin.

I flip to the next page.

It’s not working this time. He’s so angry and I don’t get why, but Mom is angry too. They sent me on a hike. I love the nature preserve. There are rivers and mountains. The lake feels so good. I dove into it after stripping down to just my underwear. It felt good. No one else is around for miles. Just us.

But Mom and Dad are really terrible today. I tried to go back home and they both yelled at me to go enjoy nature. Mom didn’t even smile. She always smiles after she yells, like a silent apology. Dad says she should apologize more.

She shouldn’t. But I don’t understand how two people can be married and still have all this anger. If they don’t like each other, why don’t they just… break up?

Even now, they’re still arguing while I write this. I spent hours outside. I climbed trees like I haven’t since I was a kid. I swam. I tried to find otters. I even tried to name all the birds I saw. But being alone makes everything a lot less fun.

Dad’s really loud. The cabin walls aren’t thick so I hear him calling her useless. I hear him telling her to try harder. That he never should have let her get this wild. So many things that don’t make sense. Mom isn’t wild. She doesn’t go out and party like some people’s moms do. She doesn’t even have friends over!

She’s quiet now. So quiet. I don’t like it. But it will be better in the morning. I’ve heard that holding anger in is worse. So if they get it all out tonight, we can go on a hike tomorrow, roast food over a fire, and everything will be good. Dad always says nature is good for a person. It helps remind them of what’s important.

She’s so different in this section. Like she has hope, like she believes that things will be good.

One more page.

I hate the cabin. I hate the entire nature preserve. There’s nothing good about mountains or streams or trees. Mom left. She left without saying anything. She didn’t even smile. She didn’t hug me. She didn’t promise she was coming back and so Dad isn’t waiting.

He says that she went to one of the neighbors. There are only three cabins on Dirt Lane Road—a really stupid name for a road in my opinion. Mom has never walked that far except on a treadmill or with me. Why would she leave?

Maybe she’s mad too—the quiet kind of angry. Or maybe she decided that she couldn’t be with us anymore. That Dad is too angry and I don’t protect her. That I look too much like him somehow even though everyone says I look like her.

I know Dad searched for her. I saw him coming back to the cabin this morning. His boots were covered in mud and dirt. He was sweaty and he looked like he’d cried.

So I won’t bring her up. She knows where we live. She’ll come back if she wants to, to get her clothes, to get everything she loves so much. Hopefully, she’ll get me too.

A road!

I almost kiss the page in thanks. Hope gave me a road name. And on the next one, there’s even a drawing. She has drawn Xs over certain houses. I’m sure that she checked them or her father said he had. There’s a lake, a river, a fucking map.

“You’re so smart,” I praise her even though she can’t hear me. “We’re going to get you. I promise you that.”

A car idles out front, echoing in the quiet of the early afternoon. I get up from Hope’s bed, keeping her diary behind me until I get to the door and see Dimitri and Jax approaching. They aren’t talking or looking at each other, which tells me some shit hit the fan, but that can wait.

I open the door. “We have a map and a road.”

Dimitri stares at me. “A cabin?”

“Yeah. Wait—how did you know?” I demand.

“He claimed it on a tax return. He didn’t list a road name, just a city, county, and zip code,” Dimitri answers.

“I have the road and Hope left us a map,” I inform.

Jax is utterly quiet until he looks at Dimitri. “Finally ready to try again?”

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