Page 80 of Accidental Dad's Best Friend

But that leads to more regret.

“I don’t understand why everyone is mad,” he whines. I know he is just tired. Confused. Possibly a little traumatized. I never raise my voice around him. I never raise my voice around anyone if I am being honest. But tonight was different. I was standing up to my dad possibly for the first time ever. There was a lot to hash out. And the things he said about Jaxon and I, the things hecalledus…I had to say what I did. It’s just unfortunate that I said them in front of Jax.

“People are mad because grown ups do stupid things sometimes,” I try to explain.

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Jax asks. “With you?”

I smile at that. I actually love the idea of it. I could use a little human teddy bear tonight. “Of course.”

We climb into my bed and turn off the lights. The blinds are open and the moon is full. Bright. Comforting. It casts slivers of silvery blue light across the bed and I pull Jax into me. He wraps his arms around me, snuggling his head into my chest. It’s both comforting and heart breaking.

“What stupid things did you do?” He asks and I almost laugh at his quoting of me.

“Well. I didn’t tell you about Ethan being your dad, for starters.”

“Why not? Ethan is nice.”

I take in a sharp breath and hold it. The answers to that? Like the real answers?

Because I shouldn’t have had sex with my dad’s best friend.

Because we didn’t use a condom and now, well, here we are.

Because I was afraid if he knew, he’d interrupt the life we created, even if it was a coupon clipping, Goodwill shopping life.

Because you are my entire heart and I didn’t want to lose even a fraction of you.

“I didn’t know how he’d feel about it.” It’s the best answer I can muster.

“How do you think he feels about it, now that he knows?” Jax asks.

“He likes you. A lot,” my voice cracks.

“How can you tell?”

I smile through tears. “It’s the way he looks at you. Ethan is…a difficult man…”

“Like grumpy?”

I giggle through the tears. “Yeah, he can be grumpy.”

“Is it because he’s an old man?”

I laugh out loud at that. “Hey! Ethan is not an old man.”

“He’s older than you,” he giggles.

Oh my God. How is this the conversation I am having right now?

“Mommy?”

“Yes, buddy?”

“Do I have to stop being friends with Luca?”

The question is like a punch to my gut. “You don’t have to stop being friends with him at school. We just can’t really hang out with him and his mommy anymore.”

Jaxon nods but I know it makes him sad. It makes me sad too. As I look around the room I realize that all of it is sad. I love our place. I love the neighborhood and the school. I love the coffee shop and the gym and the splash pad where I can drink beer while he eats snow cones.

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