Page 35 of Wreck Me

“That’s it.”

When we finally get up to the counter, Finn orders our dinner and pays. We take our lobster rolls and head back to his mega-mansion, finding a spot at the edge of the water, taking seats next to each other in the grass. We eat in silence, the sun slowly setting behind the cove. It’s so different here from Aspen Ridge, and I’ve only been here a few hours.

“What’s it like growing up being one of five kids?” Finn asks, breaking the silence that stretches between us.

I crumple up the white paper, tossing it into the to-go bag while thinking over his question. He’s so goddamn easy to talk to, but it’s hard not to hold back not knowing his true motivations. This could all be a ruse to get close to me and I’m the desperate asshole that would fuck it all up. Especially because I want to talk to Finn. I want to open up to him.

Lean into it.

“Chaos mostly. But it was good. I don’t know anything different.”

“Always wanted siblings, so that’s why I ask . . . in case you think it was for other reasons.” And once again, he’s reading my mind.

“You’re an only child?”

“Yeah. Parents wanted to throw everything into one kid and not have to divide their time. Or so they say.”

“Sounds a little lonely, man. Even if it was batshit crazy in my house growing up, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”

“Yeah, trust me, being an only child isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. At least it wasn’t for me. There were so many times I wished I had somebody to have my back, be in my corner when I was up against my parents. It was always two on one, and it was a game I was set up to fail from the very beginning. Who knows, maybe they wanted it that way.”

“Nah. It sounds like they love you and wanted to give you the best shot at life and not have to split resources. Shit was hard when we were little. Especially when shit went down with my older brother.”

“What happened?” Finn asks, his voice full of sincerity and genuine curiosity. Truce. There’s a ceasefire in place. I take a steadying breath, keeping my eyes focused on the colors reflecting off the ripples of the ocean.

“He, uh, he was in a relationship for a while, basically my entire childhood, I guess. I can’t really remember back to before Ivy was around. They were together for years, and it was a relationship just like my parents had. So full of love and happiness. Then one day she was just gone.”

“Shit, man, I’m so sorry.”

“She didn’t die; don’t look at me like that. She just upped and disappeared shortly after she, Sawyer, and Dallas graduated from high school. No communication, no notice. Just here one day and gone the next. He fell into a deep depression. My brother Dallas had to step up. My dad was working crazy long hours at the distillery, Kinsey was still little, and Liam and I were little shit preteenagers. My mom had her hands full. But Sawyer wouldn’t get out of bed. He was supposed to go to college, and he postponed a full year. He didn’t eat. It lasted a long time and it gutted me. Seeing him find the love of his life, just to lose her. It destroyed him.”

Fuck, I remember seeing my brother laying on his bed staring blankly at the wall. His eyes were devoid of any emotion, like he was completely broken.

Mom was crying again, even though she thought I couldn’t hear in the pantry. I know it’s because she’s worried about Sawyer. I don’t understand why he won’t get up. I miss him taking me toGrace Beach and teaching me to surf. I miss him picking on all of us and driving me around. Dad really misses him being at the distillery. I thought I was going to miss him because he was going away to college, but he’s still here, lying in his bed like he always is.

“Sawyer?” I call out as I open his door and walk in. He’s lying in his bed on his side, hugging his pillow. He doesn’t look the same as he did before Ivy left a few months ago. He’s skinny now, his eyes sad and empty, like he’s sick with the flu and it just won’t stop eating him alive. “I need you to get up, Sawyer. We all miss you, and I want my brother back.”

“I can’t.”

“Why? Tell me why?”

“’Cause my heart is gone, and I don’t know how to function without it.”

“Your heart is beating inside you, Sawyer. She didn’t take it.”

“It’s not the same without her here, kid. You’ll understand someday when someone steals yours.”

“You need to get up, Sawyer.”

“Car, I’m sorry. I can’t do this without her. She took it when she left me, and I’ll never be whole again.” His eyes fill with tears as his body shakes with sobs. I crawl onto the bed with my big brother and hold him, letting him cry and mourn Ivy, all while promising myself that I will never let this happen to me. No one is taking my heart. I’ll never give anyone this much power to wreck me.

He said that Ivy took his whole heart with him when he left, and I believed him. The happy, fun brother that I had grown up with was gone because he fell in love with a girl who didn’t stay.

I can feel Finn’s eyes on the side of my face, and when I can’t take the silence and the power of his stare any longer, I turn my head. My eyes trace over his soft features, my breath catching. He’s looking at me like he finally sees me . . . the real me. The person I keep locked up tight because no one wants to be around an anxious wreck. I’m the fun-time brother, not the anxious one who’s emotionally closed off from everyone.

“It’s getting late, you ready to head back?” I say, the back of my neck prickling with sweat—and not from the balmy heat of summer.

As if nothing had just passed between us, Finn stands, pulling his T-shirt off and dropping it at my feet. I look up from where I’m perched, resting my elbows on my knees.

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