Page 40 of Wreck Me

I continue to stroke the back of his head, willing my heartbeat to slow down.

“I’ve never been touched like that before, it was . . . everything, Carter.”

A heavy breath rushes from him, and for a moment, I hold mine, terrified that whatever this was is about to blow up. This time, I give him a moment, steady myself, bracing for him to run and lash out, but it doesn’t come. Instead, he pulls back enough to look into my eyes for a quick moment before his wet eyelashes flutter closed,his lips pressing against mine in a chaste kiss. In silence, he rinses us both of the mess, rewashing us quickly and turning the faucet off while I tiptoe around the situation like a kicked puppy. It’s not in my nature to be so docile and submissive, but fuck, I want this man more than anything, and I’ll give him whatever he needs.

We dry off in comfortable silence, even though I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. Towels wrapped around our waists, we leave the bathroom to throw on our clothes. I watch Carter pull on a pair of loose gym shorts, sans boxer briefs. They hang low on his defined hips, his V on full display as the flat of his hand travels up his washboard abs to his chest. When my eyes meet his face, he’s giving me a knowing look, an eyebrow arched, the left side of his mouth turned up in a smirk.

“Snack and a movie?” he asks after a moment, as if he didn’t just change everything for me.

“Ye-yeah.” I clear my throat so it comes out steadier.

Twenty minutes later, we’re sitting in front of a large flat screen TV, a bowl of popcorn, sodas, and a bag of M&Ms sitting between us.

“So, how’d you end up running a world-renowned travel magazine?”

“My family,” I say without thinking. The ease of our conversation makes me forget myself, and as much as I don’t want to be, I’m terrified of telling him about my dad, his threats, the abuse, and my very real fear of losing my career. “What about you? Always want to do marketing for a distillery?”

“Well, you’ve obviously done your research and know it’s been in my family for a few generations. But I didn’t know what else I wanted to do. All my brothers eased into their positions within the family and business seamlessly. Sawyer is a natural-born leader, and Dallas is, too, but he’s too reckless and brash. He makes the perfect COO, and Sawyer balances him. Liam has wanted to be a master distiller since he was little. Mygrandfather and another master distiller, Graham, taught him everything. My sister wanted nothing to do with the family business, and she became a teacher. I was the only one that has always been fuckin’ clueless about where he was going and what he was doing.”

Carter talks openly and without reservation, and I hang on every word. I’m taking him in, finally seeing inside the man who’s otherwise completely closed off from emotional connection. The man I’ve fallen rapidly for.

The way he talks, nearly rambles, makes me wonder if he has anyone to talk intimately to at all. My heart pangs at the thought, and I scoot closer. I resituate myself on the couch so that I’m facing him, my leg pulled up, my elbow resting on the back, my head resting on my hand, and the movie long forgotten.

“So how’d you end up in marketing then?”

“My dad suggested it. Said since I was always so good with a crowd—I was a partier . . .”

“No!” I mock gasp, and he rolls his eyes.

“Some things haven’t changed, I guess,” he says, but there’s no heart in it, like he’s trying to convince himself that’s who he is because he doesn’t want anyone else to think otherwise. But I catch on to it. I notice everything when it comes to this man. “He thought I could easily fall into the field if I studied. I was so eager to dosomethingthat I just went for it. After I graduated, my dad . . . you know what? Never mind. Tell me about you.”

I want to push. I do. And I have to grind my molars together to keep from doing just that.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” he surprises me by saying. So I give him what I can, completely forgetting everything else in the process.

“I’m an only child. Rich-ass parents. Sent me to privateschool most of my life, but at least I got to stay in Washington. I love this state, but I also love to travel. I’ve got a best friend, Trey, who’s a pain in the ass but he’s been the brother I never had. Played soccer my entire life, I run as a stress reliever, always knew I was gay but didn’t come out until after high school, at least not to anyone besides Trey.”

“How’d your parents take it?”

“Me telling them that they’re only child was gay?”

Carter winces and I reach my hand out, rubbing small circles around his knee.

“Not great. My mom is . . . well, she’s the wife of a rich asshole, likes to spend his money, take trips with her girlfriends, and is pretty numb when it comes to human emotion. She just kind of blinked her eyes and sipped her martini. My dad, on the other hand?”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? My son is not gay!” his voice bellows through the expanse of his home office, and I can’t help but wince. I’ve spent years keeping this secret, and I can’t live this way anymore. I need to be open about who I am and open to finding love with someone out there. I don’t want to be alone forever. I want to be enough for someone else someday, and I can’t do that if I’m pretending to be someone I’m not.

“I am, Dad. I’m gay.”

“The fuck you are, Griffin! This is to punish me, isn’t it? You’re acting out, and for what reason? This will not stand. No son of mine is going to fuck other men!”

“Jesus. It’s more than that, Dad. Don’t make it about only sex.”

“I can make it whatever the fuck I want it to be, Griffin! No one will find out about this! You will keep it to yourself until your pathetic little rebellion is over with.”

“Dad. Please listen to me, this isn’t about you. It isn’t about Mom or anyone but me. I am gay. It’s not going to change. I’m not going to wake up and change my mind. There’s no choice. This is who I am.”

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