Page 44 of Wreck Me

Unwarranted jealousy rises inside me. Finn isn’t mine. Of course someone would have had him before me. It’s not normal that I’m turning twenty-six soon and have never had a relationship before. Or that I’m just learning I’m into men.

“What happened?” I ask, wanting to know, even if it hurts me to hear it.

“First one didn’t last long. Maybe six months. We were in college. He was on the soccer team with me, didn’t want to come out to the team, or anyone, really. Got tired of being his dirty little secret. But it was fine.”

I get the sense that it wasn’t, especially at the time. To be with someone and care about them but feel like you aren’t worth them fighting for has got to hurt and leave even a bit of a mark on you.

“And the otherone?”

“We were together for a year, I went away for a trip, came home to him in my bed with another man. I ended it.”

Damn. The jealousy evaporates and is replaced by anger on Finn’s behalf.

“You loved him?”

“Thought I did. Now I’m not so sure.”

He leaves it at that, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that he doesn’t ask me in return. I guess I’m that transparent. I’ve already made it clear that I don’t do relationships. My heart just isn’t capable.You’re falling for Finn, though.I don’t want to give anyone that kind of power over me. No matter how lonely most nights are. How I crave having what my brothers have found. Fuck that. I never want to give someone else the power to completely wreck me. I’m fine on my own.

But can I walk away from Finn now?

I push the nagging thoughts in my head away as we hit the end of the trail, spitting us out in a little cove where he slows to a walk. Tourists meander, lost in their own individual worlds, paying little to no attention to the two large men in nothing but workout shorts. The area is exactly what he said it was: a small cove with water on each side, a walking bridge, some shops, docks, boats, and up the road, a few scattered cottages. It’s quaint and exactly the kind of place I picture when I think of coastal Maine. Not that I’ve ever given Maine a thought from my small town on the other side of the country.

“She lives right up here. You can either go grab a drink across the street at Barnacle Billy’s, or you could come with me.”

Shit. Do I want to meet his grandmother? That seems like a big, unnecessary thing to do, but at the same time, I’m kind of rabid to meet someone who’s known Finn his entire life, giving me just a little bit more of him.

“Yeah, I’m good, lead the way.” Finn’s face lights up, and Iknow I made the right decision. I want to do more to make him smile like that.

We walk side by side up an old, narrow sidewalk, passing some shops and eateries, the ocean right on the other side of the street. The place is so charming, and I know my parents would love visiting here someday. I realize now the lack of traveling I’ve done in my life, and after seeing a different part of the country, I want more of it.

“This one’s hers,” Finn says as he nods to the right. At the end of a rocky driveway sits a modest cottage, and not at all what I was expecting after staying in the Nash mega-mansion and driving in Finn’s Lexus SUV. They are obviously swimming in money, and it clearly doesn’t extend to his grandmother.

A freshly painted white picket fence surrounds a patio area laid with brick. A red door sits front and center of the little building with the wordsApple Tree Cottageburned into it. The shutters are painted to match the red door and the brick of the patio, and it’s so quaint it reminds me of a fairytale.

“Finn! My boy! Oh, my boy! What a nice surprise! I was wondering when you’d make it up here this summer.” A shorter, elderly woman greets us from the doorway with the brightest, most welcoming smile I’ve ever seen. She gives my mom a run for her money. This is exactly the type of woman she’ll be when she reaches this age. The woman has naturally frosted hair, and her face reflects that of a beautiful woman who has lived a full life with laughter and peace. I can’t help but smile at her as I stand next to Finn awkwardly.

“Hey, Grammy.”

“And who’s your friend? He sure is a looker!”

Well, that’s unexpected. She and Ms. Nettie would make great friends.

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Oh, is he more than a friend? Finn, have you been hiding a boyfriend from me?” I nearly choke on my saliva as I look from Finn to his grandmother, waiting for him to explain. What the fuck is happening right now?

“No, no boyfriend, Grammy. Just a friend who needed a little escape.”

“More like someone he blackmailed to take a trip with him,” I say with a playful smile. Even if it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.It’s been the best trip of your life.“I’m Carter Hayes, ma’am. It’s nice to meet you.”

Her eyes widen as she looks to Finn for a split second before schooling her features and returning her attention to me. What the fuck? Does she know who I am?

“Well, everyone’s story starts somewhere! It’s nice to meet you, Carter. You boys thirsty? I’ve got lemonade.”

“We’d love some water, Grammy, please.”

“Did he make you run, Carter? This boy has been running his entire life. If it wasn’t soccer, it was running. Tried to get him to join a cross-country team once, but he needed the immediate competitiveness that soccer gave him. At least he was moving his body, I suppose.”

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