Page 46 of Wreck Me

I stop in my tracks because that surprises me based on what I know about him so far. He doesn’t seem like the type of person who would kiss his dad’s ass just to have money or livehis lavish lifestyle with his fancy-ass car and mega-mansion on the beach.

“Hey, I can see where your head just went and that’s not what I mean. Believe it or not, Carter, I hate his money. I’m grateful for the things I have and the life I lead, but it’s not the life I want for myself. I always imagined I’d live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone. I’d have a modest house that fits my needs perfectly, and I’d be able to travel and write. Writing is all I have that’s mine, Carter. And my dad owns the biggest travel magazine in the country.”

The pieces start to come together. “It’s not the money. He’d take your joy from you.”

Finn sighs and I reach out and grab his hand, threading our fingers together and pulling him down the road. He doesn’t need to confirm what I already know. His dad’s a controlling piece of shit.

Once we’re back at the mega-mansion, I head straight for the shower while Finn pulls out his laptop and settles in on the couch. I strip out of my shorts and step under the spray before it has time to heat up, welcoming the sting of the cold, refreshing water and enjoying a moment of privacy to get my head straight. Mere hours with Finn feel like months. Being around him is as easy as breathing, it’s practically effortless, there’s no awkwardness in the silence or in conversation, and we both seem to anticipate the other’s unspoken needs. I don’t even have that type of relationship with my siblings, who have known me my entire life, and all things considered, we’re extremely close.

Everything is different with Finn. The pull to him is so fucking strong, it’s nearly impossible to fight. What is it about him that does it for me? I’m oddly not freaked out at all by the fact that he’s a man, for the first time in my life, I’m feeling things that I thought were impossible. The past two days havebeen some of the best of my life, and I’m trying not to stress over the situation that we’re going to face once we leave this little bubble. But inside these four walls? It’s easy to forget all of it and let go with him. It surprises me how easy, actually. When I’m with Finn, he has a spell over me, and I somehow simultaneously lose myself completely and feel utterly whole at the same time. All reasonable thinking goes right out the damn window. All there is left is Griffin fucking Nash.

This isn’t me at all, and that fear is still holding me hostage. What the hell am I even doing? I don’t play house, hell, I’ve never had a sleepover before. I’m meticulous about fucking and bouncing—no strings attached, no feelings, no sleeping next to each other, and talking about our pasts. I’m feeling good in the moment, and after my post-orgasm clarity returns, I’m emotionless. I’ve never felt a goddamn thing before.

With Finn, I feel alive, and because of that, I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t recognize these feelings that are brought out in me by him. I know I’m falling for him. But that can’t happen.

An image of Sawyer lying lifelessly on his bed, brokenhearted and dead on the inside, flashes behind my eyes, and my walls get a little thicker. I just need to get through the weekend, get the story for my family, and then figure everything else out after. Right? I need to keep my head in the game, I’m here for one reason and one reason only. The story. I can’t keep getting lost in Griffin Nash.

After my shower, my foul mood doesn’t simmer, my thoughts spiraling, on the verge of snapping. I throw on a pair of shorts and a plain pocket T-shirt, grabbing my phone and laptop from my backpack, and head to the enormous living room. I take a seat across from Finn on the sectional, putting my feet up on the ottoman, dropping my head back, and getting comfortable.

I see the quizzical look Finn shoots in my direction, probably wondering why the hell I chose to sit across from him when he’d want me next to him. Maybe because I’m trying to get space from you, jackass? I clearly can’t control my feelings when you’re next to me.

My phone buzzes in my hand as I’m pulling it out to check my emails and get some work done. Unlocking my phone, I’m not surprised to see it’s my sibling group chat, since I haven’t checked in since being here.

Sawyer: Checking in on you

Dallas: Yeah, how’s it goin’ Casanova? Clearing out that small town like you did ours?

Sawyer: Don’t knock anybody up on the East Coast, that’d make for a real shit situation

I internally cringe. No worry about accidental pregnancy happening over here on the other side of the country.

Me: I’m alive. He hasn’t murdered me in my sleep yet

Sawyer: There he is. Fuckin’ finally.

Dallas: But have you murdered him?

Liam: There’s the real question

Sawyer: No murder. No pregnancy. Just get on his good side and get the story to him

Me: I’ve got it under control fuckers

Sawyer: Just remember you’re working and not playing

Dallas: Yeah no dicking anyone down while you’re there

Liam: I think we drove it into his skull before he left. But a reminder is always good.

Sawyer: No fuckin’ around. You’re working. Work means no play Casanova

Liam: What he said.

Dallas: No play time means no putting your dick into anything but your hand.

Jesus Christ. That’s seriously how they see me? I know how to handle business. Fuck this. Fuck everything. I chuck my phone into the far end of the couch harder than I should, their words digging way deeper than they normally do. I know they’re just joking, and I’ve given them a reason to behave this way, but fuck. I’m doing the best I can, and I’m drowning myself in worry constantly to not fuck things up.

“What’d that phone do to you?”

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