Page 59 of Wreck Me

My heart feels like it’s in goddamn pieces, my emotions so raw and unrelenting. I would rather go back to feeling numb all the time than feel the pain of losing someone I can never have. He should never have gotten this much control over me, so much so that when I saw her in his room, quickly getting dressed, Finn’s face panicked like he was desperately scared of me finding his dirty little secret, it shattered me completely. I’m furious at myself for allowing this to happen.

There’s a nagging voice in the recesses of my mind telling me that everything was a lie, that he was fucking with me and could share the information with whoever he wanted.Aspen Ridge’s sex-crazed youngest child, looking for attention because he’s sad and didn’t get enough of it at home.

Would he really do that? The pain in my heart stabs violently, a relentless reminder of how far I’ve fallen and all the control I lost to him. Sawyer was right when he explained how he felt when Ivy left. Finn took my fucking heart and now I have to learn to survive without it.

I go through my morning routine when my phone buzzes with an incoming text. He’s been texting me once a day, and I’m just pathetic and heartbroken enough that I find myself waiting for it to come.

Finn: Please give me a chance to explain.

Finn: I miss you

Finn: I promise it wasn’t what it looked like, but I want to explain in person.

Finn: I’m watching Spiderman. The Tom Holland one.

Finn: What we haveis real, lover, it’s not just going to go away

Finn: Plese tkl to me. I need u

Finn: I hope you’re doing ok. I can’t stop thinking about you.

Finn: I dreamed of you last night, of your beautiful face resting on my pillow, looking back at me. Your hair was in your face and when I reached out to push it away, you disappeared. I miss you.

Finn: I’m thinking about you, lover. I hope you have a good day.

I skim through the texts again, reading his latest one, my heart banging against my rib cage. Fuck this shit. I need to get over this. I need to come clean to my family that we won’t be getting that feature in the Northwest Explorer, that Finn very well could spread information that paints me in a negative light. Then, I need to be a man and face Finn.

Driving over to my parents’ house, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, the tension a heavy pressure, but I breathe through the panic clawing its way up my chest, threatening to take over and consume me. I need to hold my shit together and get through this.

The rain pelts down on my windshield, the clouds dark and stormy, the weather reflective of my mood. I find myself missing the sun that was always out in Emberleigh, or maybe I just miss the little bubble that Finn tucked us into. It was so easy to fall into a rhythm with him in a place where no one knew us. Where there was no magazine, no distillery, no family ties pulling us in the direction that loyalty demands. It was just simple. Until it all came crashing down around us.

I pull down the long lane that leads to my parents’ drive,the wild lupines’ lush colors leading the way, even in the grey haze that covers everything from the dark clouds above. Needing to get this conversation over with, I jump out of my car, jog up the porch stairs of my house, and knock on the door twice before opening it and slipping off my shoes.

“Hello?”

Sharp nails on wood scatter across the floor with a little bark, and my nerves instantly settle.

“Garbage!” I coo as I drop to my haunches and pick up the little ball of fur. My mom rounds the corner with a genuine smile at the sight of me, and my heart aches at how badly I’m about to disappoint them.

“This is a nice surprise,” she tells me. Amy Hayes is the most welcoming, patient, loving person, and has always been so supportive of us kids. I hope my dad is willing to keep my indiscretions between us, because she has to have a line somewhere. And finding out her youngest boy is a member of a sex club is probably it.

“What’s this angel doing here?” I ask as I pet the sweet puppy.

“Billyis staying with us while Liam and Hannah take Charlotte camping. They leave in the morning, but I wanted to get him settled today.”

“Why didn’t they ask me? He’s half mine!” I protest like a child. Liam and his daughter, Charlie, found the little thing whining in a dumpster a few months ago. I instantly fell in love with him, and looking back, it’s probably because I’m lonely as fuck.

“Because you’ve been a little preoccupied, son.”

She’s not wrong.

After giving Billy a bunch of love, I stand and brush off the dog hair clinging to my pants and shirt.

“Dad home?”

“Youknow where to find him, I’m going to get a few things done around here.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say, giving her a big hug and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

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