Page 63 of Wreck Me

“I don’t know the details because he doesn’t talk to me, just expects me to listen, but my dad despises your family. He went ballistic, Carter.”

“So why the hell didn’t you stay away, Finn? Why fuck with me?”

“Because I couldn’t! I fucking couldn’t!” I yell, my voice cracking with emotion. Doesn’t he feel this between us? Why is he fighting this so hard? “I saw your photo online and I couldn’t stay away! I tried! I needed to know you, Carter. I needed to see you in the flesh. It was a pull I couldn’t fight.”

Carter stands tall, rigid and in a defensive stance, his fists balled at his sides, eyes narrowed at me in frustration. My knees nearly buckle from the piercing, fierce starealone.

“What was your plan then, huh? Fuck around with me, get me to open up to you, then what? I was just something you couldn’t stay away from and then you were going to what? Keep me your dirty little secret? Drop me altogether? When were you going to fucking tell me I meant nothing and that we were never going to get that feature?”

“You mean everything! I didn’t know at the time, Carter. I was being impulsive because you consume me. But you don’t know what it’s like to work for him, to be his son. I didn’t have a plan for handling it, but I was going to figure it out. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I didn’t want to lose you. You opened up to me in Maine, and I was going to tell you everything. I wanted to figure it out together!”

Carter’s face pinches as if he’s in pain, and I see the panic before it starts to hit. My hands instinctively reach out to him, but he pulls away and my heart stops in my chest, the air snatched from my lungs.

“I don’t believe you.”

My head jerks back as if he had slapped me. I would have preferred it.

“This is over. Whatever you think happened in Maine stays there. It’s over. I agreed to your stupid demands, I went on your little fucking trip, gave you what you wanted, and I should force you to write the article you promised me, but we don’t want it. I want nothing from you. Tell your dad to eat shit and that he got his way, something I’m sure he’s plenty used to by now.”

I feel like I just took a sucker punch to the gut. My heart falls into the pit of my stomach, bile rising up my throat and burning. My head scrambles with what to do.

“What do you mean this is over? We’re not over.”We can’t be.

“Yes we fucking are.”

“So you can fuck me but you won’t admit what’s between us? Happy to have me on my knees for you and share my bed, but that’s as far as it goes?”

“I never wanted this! I have never wanted commitment! You’re not special, Griffin. Just because I’ve fucked you doesn’t mean I want more from you.”

Griffin.

A sardonic laugh that I don’t recognize erupts from my chest. His words are knives slashing across my flesh, ripping through muscle and puncturing vital organs. His eyes flash with surprise, either at his own words or my reaction, but I don’t give him time to react further, and he doesn’t get to see how deep those words wound. I’m never going to be fucking good enough for anyone. Never be enough for someone to choose me. I thought he felt everything between us. I thought he would trust me to tell him the truth, but I’m not enough. Without a word, I turn on my heels and head for the door.

“Finn, wait . . .”

Carter trails behind me, his footfalls hard on the wood floors of my house.

I snatch my keys from the bowl at the entryway table, my body on autopilot, a quiet, calm, stillness settling over me—numbing me. A defense mechanism I’ve perfected. I’ve felt so much pain and heartbreak over the last two weeks of silence between us, and now I’m just empty.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck. That came out real bad, let’s talk this through,” he backpedals.

I’ll never be done with Carter Hayes, but I’m not going to be used and abused so he can live out some sick fantasy and never fully give himself to me. He keeps fighting this magnetism between us instead of leaning into it, and I’m not going to stand by to wait for the next time he wants me. If he can’t have my back, if he can’t trust me, if he can’t choose me,then I can’t stay. Even if he’s wrong. So very, very wrong. I said my piece, was truthful, and he still doesn’t believe me.

“You knew exactly what this was. We were fucking. That’s what I do, Nash. I fuck. I don’t do feelings. I can’t,” he says, his voice softer but firm. Little goddamn liar. He’s only trying to convince himself. That’s what this is really about. He’s been doing feelings this entire time, he’s just choosing to ignore them.

I whip around to face him, my face pinched with anger and frustration. His steps halt, even taking a hesitant one back like he can feel how he’s finally pushed me too far. This is it. All in or nothing at all. I can’t do the in-between for a moment longer. Not after I’m choosing him over my family, over the goddamn job that I love so much, over everything that I have. I choose him knowing I am walking away from everything. If he can’t be all in for me, then I’m done with him. I’ll forever feel love and gratitude for Carter because he gave me the strength to walk away from a life I should have left a long time ago. With or without him, I’m going to survive this and start over. I just hope like hell it’s with him by my side.

CHAPTER 15

carter

For the secondtime in five minutes, Finn is wearing an expression that damn near guts me. I can’t read him, but my heart felt like it was breaking as I watched him walk away from me. I shouldn’t have said what I said, and it’s killing me. I lashed out to hurt him the way he’s hurt me, but it wasn’t worth it. Seeing the pain flash across his beautiful face, how he stumbled back with the force of my words as if I had physically hit him, feels worse than any pain I’ve ever felt. I’ve fucked everything up because of my fear, and seeing the pain on his face that I caused is enough to break me completely.

He takes another step in my direction and I cross my arms over my chest protectively. As if that has ever saved me from the tsunami that is Griffin Nash.

“Oh, wicked lover, you can lie through your teeth all you want, but I know the truth, whether you ever admit it or not.” His voice is a deep, sexy baritone that caresses over my entire body.Just like it always does.

“Yeah? What’s that?” I whisper as one of his hands makes contact with my hip, the other grabbing my throat,gently nudging me closer into his space. I go willingly because when have I ever denied him? He’s a master at diffusing the heated situations that I rain down on us. I should be freaking out, but there’s no panic, no fear, no anxiety—just a plethora of emotions that I’m trying to swallow down and ignore.

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