Page 140 of Sapphire Sunset

Connor blinked back tears. All the answer Logan needed.

“And what do you want me to do, Connor? You want me to stickaround and be the reason everyone loses their job? After I just redeemed myselfin their eyes for a bunch of crimes I had nothing to do with. I mean, how muchlonger is this going to go on?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said we could beat this.”

“You weren’t lying when you said youthoughtwecould beat this, and I respect that, Connor, I do. But she won’t stop until shehas someone’s head. And she’s decided it’s mine, so I’ve got no choice. Andneither do you.”

“She won’t stop if you leave. What happened to her husbandwas wrong and terrible, but it’s turned her into a bully. And bulliesneverstop. She’ll find something else, and she’ll start hitting at that. And she’llhit twice as hard if we hand her a victory now. I don’t understand this, Logan.Where’s the guy who broke down this door the other night?”

“That guy is right here, and he knows damn well thatsometimes you use a weapon and sometimes you make a sacrifice. And sacrificesare not something you know much about, Connor Harcourt.”

“Wait! Seriously?”

“Oh, I forgot. You ran off to New York to kill time before yourgiant inheritance showed up.”

Connor felt like he’d been slapped. “I would not call beingalienated from my family during the last years I could have had with my fatherand grandfatherkilling time.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“Are you?” Connor asked.

“It’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, Logan?”

“I’m just saying, you could have stayed and fought, but youdidn’t.”

“Oh, okay. So which is it? You think I should have made asacrifice by staying here five years ago and being abused by my uncle on thedaily? Or you think I should understand why you’re running away now because youthink I ran then? I mean, since you’re making all my decisions for me, why nottell me what to think too?”

“I’m not running. This is notrunning.”

“Your bag is already packed. You’re quitting with athree-line resignation letter you wrote in ten minutes. What is this if notrunning?”

“I’m sorry if I don’t have the confidence that comes fromhaving a giant pile of money sitting in the bank because I’m too proud to spendit.”

“I don’t, Logan!”

Connor’s cry forced Logan back a step, but he couldn’t tellif it was his tone or the information he’d just shared that did it.

“I don’t have a giant pile of money sitting in the bank. Thereason I never want to talk about it is because it’s not there. I donated itall to charity the minute it came in. Anonymously. I didn’t want a life builtby people who didn’t want me around. And I didn’t ever want to be looked at ortalked to again like that night when you accused me of having no idea howreality works. I didn’t want to be that kind of person. So I gave it all away.”

“You don’t really expect me to believe you gave away a giantinheritance because I wouldn’t go on a joyride in a Rolls-Royce with you.”

“Here’s what I believe. One, you’re being a real dick rightnow. Two, you’re an amazing and beautiful man, and in many ways you are morecourageous than anyone I’ve ever met. But not when it comes to this.”

“Comes to what?” Logan said.

“Not when it comes to what other people think of you. Youhave gone through life looking and sounding like what most gay men either wantto marry or be, and if there’s one thing you don’t know about, it’s what it’slike to be in the other room while they come up with new and more sophisticatedways to call you a faggot. So if you want to come at me about family andsacrifice, ask yourself how things would have been with you and Big ChipMurdoch if you’d popped out of the womb talking and walking like me, Staff SergeantMurdoch.”

“Don’t bring my dad into this,” Logan said.

“I’m just saying, the next time you lecture me on privilege,you might want to factor in yours. I don’t have the option of just not tellingpeople I’m queer. They know the second I walk into the room and open my mouth.So I know a hell of a lot about sacrifices, thank you very much. I sacrificed thelast years I could have had with my father and grandfather rather thancompromise who I was. And I’m sorry, but I’m tired of you bringing up myfinancial background every time you’re afraid.”

Logan’s jaw was rigid in a way that said he was clenchinghis teeth. His nostrils were flaring, and he was glaring at the dining table asif it had given him the finger. For a second, Connor was afraid he might stormout the door. When he didn’t, Connor took a step toward him.

“But I also know what it feels like to be slandered,” Connorsaid. “And that’s what you were today, and I know how badly that hurts. But ifyou could have waited at least two seconds andtalkedto me before yousent that—”

Tears glistened in Logan’s eyes. “Before theworld,Connor. Not just my dad and grandfather in a living room. Theworld.Everyone I ever served with is going to see her calling me some white trash manwhore who slept my way into this job after blackmailing people. It’s not aboutyour money. It’s abouthers. I can’t go out and buy a new reputation.I have to work with the one I’ve spent years building, and she destroyed it inten minutes. And she can do that once a week if she wants, with her fancylawyers and her press conferences and the twenty-four hours a day she can spendon Twitter while the rest of us are trying to do our goddamn jobs.”

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