Page 144 of Sapphire Sunset

“It’s exactly how it came out.” Connor struggled for hisnext words. “I said he was walking away from us. I want to think I didn’t meanit, but I’m worried it was like a Freudian slip. Only the kind that, you know,destroys a relationship.”

“Why would it destroy your relationship?”

“Because he said if I believe he only sees me as a jobopportunity, that’s no different than what Sylvia Milton accused him of thismorning.”

Naser grunted softly.

“I know that grunt.”

“Do you?” Naser asked.

“Yeah, that’s theI have something to tell you but I’mnot sure if you can take itgrunt.”

“Sometimes our insecurities can sound like insults outsideof our heads.”

“Deep. I assume the insecurities you’re referring to aremine.”

“So do you want advice?” Naser asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you want best friend advice or ass-kicking therapistadvice?”

“Are those really the only two options?” Connor asked.

Naser crossed his legs and sucked in a deep breath. “Loganwas right. You’re afraid that if he doesn’t work here anymore, he won’t want tobe your boyfriend.”

“Great. So I can’t have a relationship unless I’m sexuallyharassing someone at work?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re still the same guy who brought aRolls-Royce on your first date with him because you thought you wouldn’t get asecond date without it. And you did it to distract from the fact that you havethe voice of a kid from a Pixar film and the only thing you’ve ever topped is abicycle.”

“You’re one to talk, queen.”

“I speak from experience, gurl. There’s gay shame, thenthere’s bottom shame, and then there’s femme shame. And if we’ve got all three,and we don’t watch it, they’ll work together to destroy our happiness. Youdidn’t get bullied much in high school, did you?”

“Some. I turned in an English class assignment on bright redlaser printer paper once, and Pierre Boston asked if it was perfume scented andthe other kids laughed.”

“Devastating. I spent most of sophomore and junior yeargetting stuffed in lockers by this stupidly hot football asshole who I was alsojerking off to every night before bed. My point is, that’s how I got treatedfor how I talked and how I walked. And it sounds like you had an easier ride.Maybe because they knew who your family was or they were impressed by thehotel. I don’t know. And I’m not saying I wish you’d gone through what I did.But on some level, you have, and you know. You know that the flash and the glamand the money can protect you from the shitty things people think about us fornot talking and acting like Logan Murdoch. I know you know because I’ve seenyou use it.”

“How?” Connor said.

“Oh, honey. Don’t make me litigate it. It’s just…if we wereout to dinner with somebody’s straight friends, you’d always pick up the check.In New York, if some big butch queen was hanging out with us, you’d start namedropping celebrity clients to try to impress him. It’s just a thing. We all wrestlewith it. I try to be the best little boy in the world who manages my family’sfinances, and sometimes I go too far. And God knows, I don’t love you any lessover it. But when it comes to a guy like Logan, your way of wrestling with it,it worries me.”

“How?” Connor asked.

“Even if you’re being generous, if you act like the hoteland everything that comes with it are the greatest things you have to offer thepeople in your life, all you’re going to do is remind a guy like Logan of allthe choices you’ve always had that he never did.”

Naser gave Connor several minutes to digest these hardtruths. That was good because he needed them. He also needed Wheat Thins, buthe didn’t feel like getting up to get some. Also, he was still nauseated fromthe last box, so maybeneedwasn’t the right word in this instance.

“There was something else Rodney said that night that Ioverheard him.” Connor wilted into the sofa cushions.

“What?” Naser snuggled in next to him.

“He was describing Logan, and he said, he’s gay, but it’sfine, because he keeps itreinedin.”