Page 36 of Sapphire Sunset

A risk that justified this awful lie.

Connor had been seconds away from bursting into the living roomand giving Rodney a piece of his mind, but this detail had knocked himsideways.

“The point is, we need a plan to contain your son,” Rodneysaid.

Say something, Dad.

But there was only silence from the living room.

Say something.

But it was his grandfather who spoke first. “I have toconfess…I’m not the biggest fan of thissideof Connor. Call me oldfashioned, but I wish he’d marry and meet a nice girl, to be frank.”

“Instead he’s dancing like one and wearing pants so tight noreal man should be seen in public in them.” Rodney sounded excited to have hisfather on his side.

Connor felt the heat in his eyes before he felt the tears.It wasn’t the first time he’d dealt with this kind of homophobia—slick,articulate, packaged for the folks who thought they weren’t really prejudiced.In some ways it was worse than the knee-jerk bigotry of rural churchgoing folkwho’d never spent any time with a gay person.

And he’d pretty much let his Grandpa Dan off the hook on thetopic. He was from a different generation, and the fact that he’d never saidanything awful to Connor about his sexuality to his face seemed like ablessing. Connor wouldn’t have heard the man’s thoughts now if he hadn’t beeneavesdropping.

His dad, though. Why was his dad being so quiet?

“You’re not suggesting we don’t give Connor the job,” hisgrandfather said.

“No.” It sounded like Rodney would be fine with thatproposition, but for the purposes of this conversation he’d take what he couldget. “We make a plan to contain him, that’s all. So he doesn’t turn our life’swork into a low-rent gay bar. Because, trust me, if the travel community startsto see us as a niche destination for freaks, it’ll only be a matter of timebefore we lose our status as the only family-owned resort on this coast. Ouroccupancy rates will fall until we’ve got no choice but to sell to MarriottInternational or Hilton Brands.”

And there it was. The great Harcourt family fear Rodneyalways used to manipulate his older brother and father into doing what hewanted—the fear they’d have to sell to one of the big hotel chains.

There was another long silence.

His father broke it. “All right, Rodney. What’s your plan?”

Connor felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes.

He was a problem, a freak. An agenda threatening hisfamily’s otherwise sound business plans. Even worse, the fact that he fell inlove with men meant they might one day have to sell the damn hotel.

In his mind’s eye, he was in the middle of the living room,giving his bigoted, lying uncle several piping hot pieces of his mind.

But what would he say to his grandfather? His father? Itwould be three against one. And from the sound of everything he’d just heard,it was going to be three against one for as long as he worked at Sapphire Cove.And not because he wasn’t talented or dedicated or hard working. Because he wasgay.

“You want us to have a talk with him?” his grandfatherasked.

“No, I don’t think that’ll do any good. He’ll call us all homophobesand a bunch of other millennial nonsense. What I need is for the two of you tohelp me stand strong against his more…childish side.”

“Seems like maybe you’re overreacting a bit, son, but I’lltrust your judgment here.”

“Sure. Okay, Rodney,” Connor’s father said.

Connor was outside, shuffling toward his parked car beforehe realized he’d peeled himself off the kitchen wall.

He drove all over Orange County that night. Down along thebeach, through the canyons, then onto the 405 at Irvine and a little waysnorth. He pondered driving as far north as Los Angeles, but instead he optedfor big, large meandering circles around the place he’d lived his whole life. Aplace of twinkling vistas and raw natural beauty where he’d spent his days inprivilege and blindness. Blindness to the way people saw him, thought abouthim, talked about him when his back was turned. Blindness to whatever a guylike Logan had to do to get through a week. Like lie.

He drove for hours that night because he knew the minute hestopped he’d have to admit that something had been changed forever, and therewas no going back.

Logan had assumed that after the terribledeed was done he’d eventually feel some relief. The relief of having taken adangerous temptation off the table.

Two days later, no such luck.

Three days, same story.

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