“A hawk, I believe.”
Roman drew his knees closer to his chest and hugged themmore tightly. “Then I’m never going hiking again without my pet hawk.”
“And what shall you name your pet hawk?” he asked.
“Gertrude.”
“For ahawk, really? Was Mildred taken?”
“I don’t know. You’re asking me annoying questions, and it’sthe first name I thought of. The point is, I’m not getting off this bench.”
“Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re—”
“I amnotwalking down the trail, Ethan Blake.Don’t you even try. I’m not walking down the trail until the sun rises. Theyfeed at night. They could be everywhere. I should have remembered. This is whyI never hike at night. This is why I never—”
“Roman, stop it. I’m not asking you to walk down the trail.I’m asking you to listen to me and follow my instructions, okay? You’re havinga panic attack and that means your thoughts are of no use to you right now.They’ve turned against you, so stop looking to them for help. Your mind ismultiplying the scary experience you had times two hundred, and you’re seeingthings that aren’t there. If you want to get back inside your skin, you need tochange youractions. And you’re going to do that by breathing inthrough your nose for a count of four, then you’re going to hold it in yourchest for seven and you’re going to breathe out for eight. Can you do that?”
Roman nodded.
“Good,” Ethan said. “Here we go.”
Instead of erupting with another phobic rant, the guy followedalong. Suddenly the two of them were breathing in unison. The only sounds otherthan their long, slow inhales and exhales were the wind gusts buffeting theirclothes and the occasional echoing bleep of a car horn far down on PCH. Andthen, after a while, the gentle sound of the surf which seemed to make itselfgradually known, like a reward for their methodical attempt at calm.
No serpents slipping and sliding through the dirt aroundthem, no terrifying rattles.
After five cycles, Roman slowly raised his head from betweenhis knees and said, “I got bit.”
“You didn’t. I checked.”
“No, when I was seventeen.” He sounded calmer now. “When Iwas a kid, I loved the outdoors. I used to hike and run and bike and all sortsof stuff. Then one day I was climbing these rocks and I didn’t look up before Ireached, and I heard the rattle, and it got me.”
“Yikes,” Ethan whispered.
“It didn’t release its venom, which is apparently a thing.But it scared the shit out of me.”
“I bet. So did you stay in the gym after that?”
“Hell, no. Nothing can keep me inside all the time. But Igot into paragliding. Snakes couldn’t get me up there. And the view’s a lotbetter, so fuck them.”
Ethan laughed.
“Also…” Roman trailed off suddenly, playing with a tiny loosethread on the knee of his jeans. But his hands weren’t shaking, and that madeEthan smile in the dark.
Each word was coming out of him sounding calmer than thelast, so Ethan thought it was essential to keep him talking. “What?” Ethanasked.
“It’s stupid. I just…”
“Come now. You already know my biggest secret.”
Roman looked up, like he was seeing him for the first timesince he’d stepped up onto the picnic bench with him. “I thought I was beingpunished. I used to mess around with boys out there and I… Like I said, stupid.”
“You thought God sent the snake to punish you for kissingboys in the desert?”
“I did a lot more than kiss boys out there.”
“Drugs?”
“No, I did more to theboys.”