Ethan cleared his throat. There’d been a time in their liveswhen the topic of Zach could reduce Donnie to tears. When he’d clap back againstEthan’s theories about Zach’s disappearance with a raised voice and a reddenedface. They were past that now, Ethan was sure, but how far? Measuring his nextwords carefully, he gave Roman his attention.
“Everything you and I talked about last night.Million-dollar answers. Strategies for dealing with clients. That was all Zach.He was my escorting mentor, and he raised all that stuff to an art form. Evenwith us. I mean, I don’t think hemeantto treat us like clients. Hejust got so into the job there was no other way for him. He was always tryingto be what everybody else wanted him to be. One day I think he just got sick ofit, but he was in it so deep the only way to start over was to cut all ties.”
Donnie was staring down at his plate and cutting fish with alittle too much force.
“Sound fair?” he asked Donnie.
Donnie looked up suddenly, then took a few seconds toanswer. “Don’t ask me. I was young and blinded by love. I’m down with themoral, though.”
“What’s the moral?” Roman asked.
Donnie took too long to swallow a small bite. “In the end,you can’t be with anyone if you’re not being yourself.”
A silence settled. Donnie took a long slug of his beer.
“I’m sorry,” Roman said. “I didn’t mean to—”
Donnie shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine. Look, here’s thething. I mean, here’s why it really hurt. My family was shit, like I told you.I laugh about it now, but it’s a miracle I survived those fuckers. I thoughtwhat we had with Zach was my firstrealfamily. A good family. Andthen he vanished, and for a while I thought, there went my last chance.
“But I was wrong. Ethan became like a brother, and thenEddie at Parker Hunter became my porn dad. Which is not most people’s idea of adad, but just, whatever, roll with me on this one. I’m not most people. And theboys at the studio became a family. I don’t know… I guess the point is, guyslike us, we gotta make our own families, and sometimes we don’t do it until weleave home. But once we do, we’re never orphans and we’re never alone.” Donniestared at Roman as he chewed. “I’m sorry about what you’re going through, andI’m sorry about what happened to your mom. But if you treat my brother Ethanright, you got a family right here.”
Roman’s eyes glistened. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“But I’mneverputting you on camera, so don’t trythat shit again.”
“Deal,” Roman said, then shoveled food into his mouth. “Onequestion, though.”
“Shoot,” Donnie said.
“What does it mean to treat Ethan right?” Roman asked. Asilence fell. He’d been looking at Donnie when he asked the question, but nowhis eyes were on Ethan.
“What do you think it means?” Donnie asked.
“I think…”
But Roman seemed to lose his grip on his words, and when helooked down at the table, Ethan felt a protective, anxious urge to interjectand let him off the hook.
But the guy spoke again, determined to continue. “I thinkwhen your life is about how you look, your body, you want to know thatpeople…some people, at least, see what youdo. Hear what yousay.Becausein the end, that’s who you really are, right? I mean, that’s who we all are.What we look like changes, but we’ll always be what wedo. How we, youknow, act and stuff. And I think Ethan needs to know that that part of him iskind of amazing. I mean, screw that. He doesn’t just need to know. He deservesto know, ’cause I don’t think it’s something he heard from the people whoraised him.”
That tremor he’d felt the night before, a small shake in thecenter of his chest that felt like it could crack him from head to toe, wasback. And before he knew it, he’d reached under the table and taken one ofRoman’s hands in his.
“Out of the mouths of babes, right?” Donnie finally said.
“Sorry,” Roman whispered.
“Don’t be,” Ethan answered with enough firm command in hisvoice to lift Roman’s head and bring the man’s gaze to his.
Later, after Donnie had chatted them off the boat and theywere both walking toward their parked cars, Ethan felt the kind of electrictension in his chest he hadn’t felt since first hooking up with other men incollege—anticipation and raw hunger and a knife’s edge of fear.
When they reached the Bentley, Roman turned to him, eyeswide and full of expectation as he asked, “So should I go back to Orange Countyor…”
Roman froze when he saw the look in Ethan’s eyes, sighingwhen Ethan brought one hand to the side of his face. It felt more forbiddenthan a kiss, gently caressing Roman’s cheek.
Finally, Roman turned his head slightly to one side so hecould kiss the side of Ethan’s hand.
That did it.
When their mouths met, Roman’s kiss was as hungry and unguardedas the speech he’d given Ethan earlier. But it was the feel of the man’s handgripping the back of his neck, his caressing—then grasping—fingers that threatenedto do Ethan in, that turned his rising moan into a growl.