Page 109 of Sapphire Spring

Mason nodded.

This is goodbye,Naser thought, and it felt likehis lungs had turned to stone.

“Listen,” Mason finally said, “I don’t know if it’s cool, medropping by like this. I was trying to give you space after what I said. Butthings are happening kind of fast and… I’m going somewhere,Nas.And I’m not going to be able to have a phone, and if you did try to get in touchwith me at some point, I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you.”

“Where are you going?”

“It’s a rehab. It’s in the mountains not too far from here.But I’m going to be there for a while.”

“How long?”

“Thirty days.”

The number hit Naser like an anvil. Suddenly walking out ofMason’s house felt like a luxury he hadn’t been able to afford. “Thirty days?That’s a month.”

“Last time I checked, yeah.”

“And they take your phone away?”

“Some of these places are like health spas, but this one’spretty hardcore. You can have your phone back at any time,but as soon as you ask for it, they take away your bed and youhave toleave. I might be able to have visitors at somepoint and I’d…” A tear slipped down Mason’s cheek. He huffed a quick breaththrough his nostrils to clear them of the first threat of tears. “I’d love itif you came. If you can forgive me for last night.”

In the course ofone surpriseannouncement, he’d gone from letting Mason go to wanting to hang on to him fordear life. The latter urge shamed him.

Had he stubbornly nursed some small hope that after a fewdays of alienation, Mason would return, hat in hand, more sober apologiescoming fast and furious? This was like that, only different. Much different.

Thirty days.

Mason nodded grimly, as if accepting the reality that Naser wastoo overwhelmed to agree to a visit. The truth was, Naser felt trapped betweenhis comforting belief that he’d been done with Mason since the night before andhis new and spreading terror that he might never see him again.

He was that thing he hated more than anything, that thinghe’d fought being his entire life with numbers and plans and projections—he wasconfused.

“Soyou didn’t drink but you’regoing to rehab anyway?” The question came out sounding peevish and strained,which wasn’t what he’d intended. But somehow, he and Mason had ended up in somefrightening zone where actions and intentions were dangerously out of whack.

Mason grunted as if he were struggling with the concept too.“ApparentlyI’m running on rage. And it’s a familytrait. Not one I’m interested in inheriting. And you’re not the only one whothinks it was wrong to bring Chadwick into the house last night without talkingto you about it first.Reallytalking to you about it.”

Naser nodded. “Soyou’re goingthere right now? This…mountain rehab?”

“I managed to score a bed last minute, so I gotta jump onit.”

“No email? No social media? No anything?”

Mason shook his head, as if the prospect frightened him too.Was it the prospect of being cut off from the world or the prospect of beingcut off from Naser?

“It is cool. That you stopped off to tell me. It is cool,and I’m glad you did.” Naser’s eyes flooded. But when he tried to stop histears, his cough turned into a choke. Crying in front of Mason still felt likecrying in front of his bully—especially after the night before—and theresulting shame paralyzed him.

“I never should have said it,Nas.I never should have said that—”

Naser waved his hands through the air. “Don’t. Don’t leavefeeling guilty. I don’t want you to go wherever this place is feeling guilty,okay?”

“You’re talking like we’re never going to see each other again.”

We won’t.Naser was stunned by the clarity andforce of the thought.You’ll get your head put on straight, clean up youract, and realize I was just a wild phase. Just a way to avoid what you’re doingnow.He tried to keep his expression neutral, but some flicker of thesethoughts must have flashed in his eyes because Mason took a step toward him andwhispered his name under his breath.

Naser struggled to find his words. ‘“I…I want you to knowthat whatever happens, you don’t need to feel guilty about me anymore. Thispast week, except for the last part, has been amazing, and it more than makesup for, you know, our past.” He wasn’t sure he believed it. But it seemed likethe only thing that could draw this painful moment to a close in a way that wouldn’tscar them both forever.

Mason stared at him. He clearly wanted Naser to keeptalking, wanted him to say more. Part of Naser wanted to, but it was the same partof him that felt locked inside his closet, sobbing into the shadows. And Masondidn’t seem to have the energy to coax that boy out into the light. Or thetime, given the Tesla idling nearby.

Sohe nodded and turned and startedfor the car, and that narcotizing, confusing mix of anguish and relief flushedNaser head to toe again, an invitation to return to his natural, accustomedstate of sexual frustration and isolation and not hoping for very much when itcame to his love life.

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