Page 112 of Sapphire Spring

“Soyou think I should have letMason kill him with a chair?”

“No, I think you were right to stop him, and I think Mason’sright to go someplace where he can get his emotions in check. And yeah, he wastotally wrong to bring thatskeezeinto the housewithout talking to you about it first. Obviously, things got out of control.What I’m saying is maybe you got so upset with Mason because he reacted to whatreally happened to you. He reacted like it’s a big deal. Because it is.”

Naser stared into the fire. Connor didn’t rush to fill thesilence.

“What did Dr. Kelley think?” Connor finally asked.

Naser tensed up from head to toe. “I haven’t seen her inyears.”

“Yeah, but when you were seeing her, what did she…” Connorread Naser’s stony expression instantly. “Nas, youdidn’t tell her about what happened with Chadwick?”

“I didn’t want her to kink shame me.”

Connor swallowed, clearly biting his tongue. It was a lousyexcuse. Naser’s reason for going to therapy in the first place was that he’dbeen kink shaming himself for years.

“I had concerns about my kinks turning into self-harm, but Idon’t like what I like because of Chadwick.”

“Nas, you like it when guys stepon your throat and Chadwick—”

“I know what Chadwick did. It’s not the same. What I like isabout…” He took a thirsty sip of wine to fortify himself. “Everything Chadwickdid that day was about throwing me away. What gets me off is about being…helddown, seen. Being a guy’s sole focus. It’s theoppositeof whatChadwick did. He threw me out like trash. I like it when a guy doesn’t want meto get away.”

“It’s about control too, right?”

“Mycontrol,” Naser corrected him. “I turn it onand off. The tap system, remember?”

Connor nodded, sipping wine. “I don’t disagree, but I’d bea shittyfriend if I didn’t tell you I think all of that’sworth unpacking with a professional. Especiallyin light ofrecent developments.”

“Fair,” Naser responded.

Connor nodded and looked to the flames. “I’m ashamed,” Naserfinally whispered. “I’m ashamed I didn’t tell him. I’m ashamed I didn’t sayanything even though I’dfriggin’ hidden from Chadwickright there in his house. I’m ashamed I didn’t say anything because of howbadly I wanted him. How badly I’ve always wanted him.”

“If you think there’s something wrong with you beingattracted to MasonWorthereven after all this, thenyouareletting Chadwick Brody take over your life.”

“Bitch,” Naser whispered.

Connor took a sip of wine then held up his hands in agesture of surrender. “I call it like I see it because I love you more thanLogan’s ball sack.”

“That's disgusting,” Naser whispered.

Connor smiled and toasted him with his glass. Naser returnedthe gesture, then a silence settled over them, interrupted by the gutteringsounds of the gas-fueled fire pit.

Connor’s assessment felt true, and he couldn’t deny it.Maybe it hadn’t been that old nickname that had driven him from Mason’s housethe night before.

Maybe, by beating thecrapout ofChadwick Brody, Mason had shined a fierce spotlight on something Naser hadrelegated to the shadows for most of his adult life. By punishing Chadwick forhis crime, Mason had made clear the depths to which Naser’s secrecy and shamehad allowed Chadwick to get away with it for years.

“He’ll move on.” Naser heard his voice as if from adistance.

Connor frowned. “Mason?”

Naser nodded. “He’ll meet some guy or some girl in rehab.It’ll be all intense like it was with me, and they’ll have a life together.”

“That would be easier for you, wouldn’t it?”

Naser glared. Connor glared back.

“Excuse me?” Naser finally asked.

“You know, you’ve got a life that’s kind of built for one.It would have been challenging to involve someone else in it. They mightinterrupt your reading time.”

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