Page 131 of Sapphire Spring

Day #14. Big time jump, I know.

The truth is, I was starting to regret this letter. Iwas thinking I might not even give it to you. I was starting to feel likewriting out some imaginary vision of what we could have been was missing thepoint, a distraction from what I really need to do to make this work betweenus.

But then the guy who spoke at one of our meetings todaysaid something I’d never heard before, and suddenly this little writing exercisemade sense. He said that people like me, people who have a problem with drugsand alcohol, we stop maturing emotionallyat the momentwe start abusing substances. We begin avoiding our true selves and as theaddiction takes hold, we abandon our true selves altogether and they start todry out inside of us. Recovering from that isn’t just about removing the sourcesof our addictions from our lives. It’s about returning to the fundamental truthof who we are, the one we tried to drown.

For me, the moment I abandoned my true self wasn’t themoment I took my first drink. It was the first time I lied about how you trulymade me feel. It was the moment I made what my friends thought about the factthat I’d put my arm around you more important than what you thought. That’s themoment I betrayed myself—and you. Every wrong thing I did to you flowed fromthat.

I know you think I’m going to move on, forget about you.That all I did for you was about my guilt and not my love.

Maybe you’re afraid this whole sobriety and rehab thingwill turn me into a different person, a person who forgets you. But don’t yousee? The person who fell in love with you at first sight is the person I needto be again to live because that’s who I really am.

I love you, NaserKazemi.

I’ll see you soon.

If my dad and I don’t kill each other at Family Week.

He read it three more times after he got home from work,then he fell asleep on top of his covers with the notebook open across hischest, and when he woke the next morning, it felt to Naser like he’d spent thenight in Mason’s arms.

At first, he vowed to keep it to himself.

That lasted about eight hours into the following day.

By that night, he’d called Connor and read him the wholething, and over the days that followed, they were taking time out from their daysto quote their favorite lines to each other.

As the final week of Mason’s stay in rehab wound down, Naserread the letter again every night before bed, hoping it would inspire hisdreams.

Then, on Saturday morning as he was making breakfast, a fullfour weeks after Mason had said goodbye, Naser woke to his first text messagefrom Mason in a month.

I’m free!!! Ihave toseeyou, Naser.

Giddy, Naser abandoned his eggs.

Want me to come and get you??

I’ll come to you. Want to see one of my favorite spots?

The bluffs at San Onofre??

Mason answered with three thumbs up in a row, his tokensignature for enthusiastic agreement. Naser wrote back.

We’re long overdue for a date there.

We are.

Give me two hours.

The response was a Google map pin drop. It looked like asection of trail that had amazing views of the Pacific. Shifting from one footto the other with excitement, he tapped out a response.

It will feel like we’re flying.

Mason wrote back with a blushing smile emoji.

Naser typed.

Your letter was…

Naser typed out five heart emoji in a row.

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