Page 12 of Party of Three

Jeff was out, but he didn’t skywrite it. He’d entered the Corps during the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell era, and some level of secrecy—what some folks liked to calldiscretion—was still wound up in his DNA. And it wasn’t the first time he’d had theWhen did you know for suretalk with a young Marine who was still finding himself. But none of those guys had made his stomach somersault the way Mateo did. He was an expert at keeping his feelings for unattainable straight guys inside a box, and that’s where he’d assumed his feelings for Mateo could live too. But in an instant, the way the guy always looked at him—as if he’d not only hung the moon but made it a wonderful place to live—meant something else entirely. It would take all of Jeff’s strength not to explore the promise in that look, he’d realized that day.

A few months later, his strength ran out, and the result was several nights in San Diego that ruined everything.

But it sounded like Mateo hadn’t even thought about their motel room antics as he’d ruminated over Jeff’s retreat. Instead, the poor guy had imagined Jeff was judging him, disdaining him, when the truth was, Jeff had been feeling those things about himself.

Out on the dance floor, Marisol and another woman he didn’t know made a gyrating sandwich out of Buckley. Crazy thoughts surged through his head at the sight of his swinging hips. Mateo’s hands gripping them. Jeff’s hands caught up in Mateo’s. Borders blurred, rules broken.

What would it be like to watch Mateo plow that firecracker hard?

Wishful thinking, assuming he’d been brought here as some sort of birthday hookup.

Buckley was probably pissed as hell, which was why he was steering clear of them now. He’d tried to surprise his boyfriend with his long-lost friend only to find out the two of them had hooked up. And because Jeff had been a giant wuss about texting back, he hadn’t given Buckley an opportunity to share his feelings about the revelation and politely ask him not to show.The most plausible storyline for this wildly messed-up evening, he was sure.

And if every now and then Buckley shot them both a searching look that seemed a little mischievous, he was probably strategizing on how to embarrass Jeff without ruining Mateo’s party. Just like Jeff was trying to figure out how to expose Buckley’s lie about moving to Japan without killing the celebration.

“So Buckley said something happened with your parents.”

Mateo winced. Jeff tried not to wince too, regretting the curveball he’d thrown. He’d wanted to show concern, but he’d also used a painful subject to deflect from his dark plotting.

“Father Jones strikes again. Soon as I told them I had a boyfriend, they went to Jones to talk about it. He said if they allowed me to bring Buckley this Christmas, they were violating God’s will for me. I don’t even think they really believe it. They just worship the guy more than Jesus. He was there for them and all of their friends when they first came to America, so the bond is…intense.”

“So they told you Buckley couldn’t come to the house and then what?”

“I said it was either both of us or neither of us.”

Jeff was stunned. And impressed. The Mateo of two years ago lived in mortal fear of disappointing his mom and dad.

“Good for you, man,” Jeff said.

“Buckley’s worth it.”

But there was heartbreak in his eyes. Mateo lived for Christmas. Whenever he’d told stories about all the decorations he’d plaster all over his parents’ house, he’d turn bright-eyed and boyish, earning a fair amount of ribbing from his fellow Marines.Padre Navidad,they’d called him. And Mateo had accepted the title proudly.

“He’s what you need.”

Mateo looked to his boyfriend. “So when did you guys connect? I mean, how’d he find you? ’Cause you didn’t exactly make it easy.”

Might as well cut right to it, Jeff thought. “I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Of college?” Mateo asked.

“Of Buckley. You and Buckley.”

There, I fucking said it. If he doesn’t know how bad I ache for him after that, I’ve got no other way to say it.

“I don’t think he would have let you.” Mateo’s eyes found his dancing boyfriend. “Buckley’s unstoppable.”

He was looking at the man in question the way he’d just looked at Jeff. Like he’d followed a cord of desire connecting them both, and the desire he felt for the man at each end was equal.

“So he knows,” Jeff said, and Mateo looked back at him. “About San Diego. You and me…”

Mateo nodded. He seemed distant and lost in thought, the same way he had during his Marine Corps days when he was trying to work up the nerve to overcome his fears.

“When did you tell him?”

“Yesterday.”

Which meant the guy had barely had time to recover. And given Jeff’s radio silence after the initial invite, he’d probably assumed he wasn’t coming and it wouldn’t be an issue. Sure, it would have been ballsy for Buckley to write back into that void, asking Jeff not to come after all. But he’d already nicknamed the guy firecracker based on his smart mouth, so could Jeff really put it past him? Mateo looked like he was processing this information as well.

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