Page 19 of Party of Three

“It wasn’t exactly planned, alright?” Mateo said. “I had to make do with what I was cooking.”

Jeff looked back and forth between the two of them. He’d gone still and focused, the same way he had on patrol when his spider senses had told him unwanted company was near. And ittook Mateo a second to realize Jeff was riveted by Buckley, by how his nostrils were flaring from his struggle to breathe deeply, how he was staring down at his lap as if he might find words of wisdom there.

Buckley was the one who’d told Jeff not to leave. Maybe he was waiting for a signal. Or maybe he was looking for something else, something that made Mateo’s heart start to race again. Not permission to leave. Permission to start something else, something that wasn’t merely role-play and memory. Something that might change their lives forever, starting here, in this room.

“Mateo, what do you say we grab lunch next weekend? We can meet halfway. Carlsbad, Oceanside. Reset and…”

The sound of Buckley’s wet sniffle startled them both. He was crying.

Mateo caressed the side of Buckley’s face, used the gesture to gently bring Buckley’s attention up from his lap. “What is it,papi?”

“I keep trying to be jealous of you two and it keeps turning into something else before I can stop it.”

“What?”

Buckley shook his head. “I always thought I would change when I fell in love. That whoever that guy was, I’d want to own him completely. Be their number one. But then I found you and I loved you more than anything, and I realized my idea of being someone’s number one is different than most people’s.”

“Different how?” Mateo asked.

“I want you to have what you want, Mateo. No. It’s more than that. It’s…you getting what you want turns me the fuck on. The thought of you with someone else is as hot for me as if you’d touched me yourself. It’s not just a don’t ask, don’t tell thing. It’s like we’re connected. You’re the center of my desire, and when you get fed, I get fed.”

“Is this why role-play days are always about me?” he asked.

Buckley nodded into Mateo’s chest. “Yes. I mean, banging the delivery boy’s one thing. But this felt, like, next level. Are you going to leave me?”

“Because you get turned on by the thought of me with other guys? Hell, no.”

Jeff cleared his throat. “Alright, drama queens. Come in for a landing already. The champagne’s been flowing. It’s been a long night. Relax and rejoin reality already.”

Slipping free of Mateo’s embrace, Buckley started for the master sergeant with anger in his step. “Which feeling of mine are you dismissing, exactly?”

“Aw, God. Millennials and their feelings,” Jeff growled.

“Yeah, running from yours went great, Boomer.”

Jeff’s eyes blazed. “I’m Gen X, smart mouth.”

As Mateo walked up to them both, Buckley looked like he was in danger of hurling himself fists first against Jeff Braxton’s broad, muscular chest.

His expression must have frightened the man because he raised his hands in front of him as Buckley took another few steps closer. “You two ever watch porn together?” Jeff asked, suddenly sounding like Mr. Reasonable.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Buckley asked.

“Nothing wrong with it. It can just put ideas in your head, is all. Make you think you’re into stuff you’re not really into. I mean, have you ever thought about what it would really feel like to have the entire soccer team run a train on you? You’d be in the hospital for a week.”

“I don’t need a top lecturing me on bottom fantasies. And I don’t needyoulecturing me at all. But I’m starting to think you lecture the floor before you walk on it.”

“Hilarious.”

“Not for the floor. It’s probably sick of listening to you.” In his best Jeff Braxton impression, Buckley said, “Point A.Stay completely flat while I’m on top of you or there will be consequences for every board here.”

“Guys.” Mateo struggled to contain his laughter.

When he gripped the back of Buckley’s neck, Mateo told himself he was doing it to keep his boyfriend from springing on his best friend, but then he felt the man he loved go limp under his touch. “Come on. Let’s work this out,” he whispered.

“Your boyfriend’s impossible,” Jeff whispered, but he didn’t sound angry or firm. He sounded awestruck. “Fucking impossible.”

“Your old crew chief’s a jerk,” Buckley whispered back.

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