Page 135 of Share with Me

“I guess my determination is—uh, nonexistent. I’m tired of this.”

“Patience, Ivan.”

Ivan glanced at his watch. “Don’t you have tea with someone today?”

“Peggy came down with the stomach flu.”

“Hope she feels better.”

“It’s harder when you’re past eighty and get sick,” Grandma said quietly. “Did you bring in the mail?”

“Yeah. Mostly bills. I didn’t look at them, but I think any day now the mortgage is due again.” Ivan closed his eyes. He had never felt this exhausted in his life. That was some workout Vittorio had inflicted on him. So many different ways to spell pain. “This is going to go on for four more months.”

“If you work hard, it’ll be over sooner than later, dear.” Knit. Purl. “When you don’t see the results, it’s hard for you to keep going. But until you believe, you can’t get to the results.”

“I’m tired, Grandma. I see nothing at all.”

“This is when faith comes in, Ivan. When you walk by faith, you’re not walking by sight.”

“Sight at this unsightly splint? A grim reminder of my doom.”

“We can thank God that He healed your ribs.”

“Yes. Thank You, Lord.” Ivan sighed. “You know the three students I had left? Well, they all canceled but one. And she probably won’t make it past summer.”

“When you get better, you can get new students. At least SISO is keeping you on.”

“About that…” Ivan expelled a deep breath. “I talked to Petrocelli this morning before I left the studio.”

Grandma put down her knitting needles.

“I don’t get paid if I don’t play, and I’m going to be out of work for four months. With my music studio all but closed, I’ll have to cancel our healthcare plan. We have no savings. Three mortgages and no savings. How did we get here?”

Grandma thought for a minute. “We’ll pray and ask God to provide. He has never failed us or forsaken us.”

“I have some disability insurance. It should hold us over for a while, Grandma.” Ivan didn’t say that most of that would go to doctor visits and therapy sessions. Then there was food, electricity, gas, water, and the truck. He couldn’t cycle at this time because he couldn’t hold the handlebar properly with his left hand. Those three mortgages might have to be put on hold.

“My social security checks can help,” Grandma offered.

Ivan didn’t say that their quarter-million-dollar debt would eat up any social security checks and then some.

“We can’t borrow any more money.” Grandma resumed knitting.

“No one would loan us anything, not even Matt. He knows I can’t pay him back.” Ivan heaved a deep sigh. “Maybe I can get a job that doesn’t require my left hand. It’s only until I reopen my music studio and get back to SISO.”

All his training had been in music. He wondered what he could do if he weren’t a violinist. “I’ll call Argo Perry and Matt Garnett. They have stores. Maybe they have something I can do.”

“We could sell the house,” Grandma suggested, but Ivan noted that her eyes were on her Steinway Victorian upright piano.

“I hope it doesn’t come to that.” They’d survived this long. Ivan wanted Grandma to be confident they would overcome this even though in his heart he knew it was a losing battle. “I hope to keep this house for your grandchildren and their children.”

“Our real home is in heaven, Ivan. Don’t hold on too tightly to things on earth.”

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