Page 188 of Share with Me

“All our lives, it’s been hard. You had it the hardest when Quincy moved out and it was just our grandparents, you, and me. You felt like you had to step in and keep an eye on the family. Life was hard for us, and you got so used to everything being difficult all the time, things not working out, things going wrong, things being messy and all that good stuff. So when things get better you can’t tell. Can’t see it.”

“Maybe.”

“You know I’m right, Ivan. I’ve had six years to think about it.” Willow offered Ivan another slice of apple. He took it. He hadn’t realized how delicious Granny Smith could be.

“When you learn to trust God, things improve, but in ways that sometimes don’t match your preconceived expectations. When they don’t, you, Ivan Benjamin McMillan, reject it as coming from God because you think you know better.”

“I don’t know better.”

“Exactly. But you think you do when you walk by sight and not by faith in our Mighty God, who provides in ways that are beyond our expectations. Drop your low-level expectations and trust high-level God.”

“That’s easy to say, Will.”

“What are you showing Brinley about your faith, Ivan?”

“She moved on.”

“On her own volition or did you push her away?”

“I spared her.”

“From what? From seeing that your faith is weak and your peace is fake?”

“Well, when you lose everything—”

“You haven’t lost God. You never lose God.” Willow rubbed her brother’s shoulder. “God is still here for you.”

“I know. That’s in my head, but my heart is hurting. It’s messy with Grandma gone.”

“I know.” Willow began to cry softly.

Ivan put and arm around his sister’s shoulders. He didn’t say a word.

After a while, Willow started to sing “Count Your Blessings.” “You remember how we used to sing that?”

“First song we sang in children’s choir when we moved in with Grandma and Grandpa.”So long ago now.

“We went to church a lot. Sometimes four or five times a week.”

“Just following Grandma around as she directed this and that choir.”

“Children’s choir was my favorite part of those years.” Willow blew her nose. “No idea why Grandma made ‘Count Your Blessings’ our theme song.”

“How easily we forget,” Ivan added, heart heavy. Maybe he wasn’t praying right or asking God the right questions. Instinctively, he flexed his left hand. The pain was still there, but not as bad as a month ago.Thank You, God.

It would take time, but step by step—

That’s it.

Step by step. That was how he had to trust God.

In his entire life, God had provided through good times and bad. When his parents abandoned him and his siblings, God provided his grandparents to take them in and raise them. When it was time to go to college, God provided him a full scholarship to not just any music school, but that prestigious, world-renowned Juilliard. The wordfullwas not lost on him.

Full.

God hadn’t done things halfway, had He?

What about his left wrist? He lifted it into the air and felt it with his right hand.

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