Page 52 of Duke

He’s kneeling in the grass, under an old cherry tree, tracing the bark with a finger while fat tears roll down his cheeks.

“Pops? What’s going on?”

He can’t answer. He’s all choked up.

I kneel in the grass next to him, waiting.

“She’s gone.”

“Who?”

“Your mother.”

“I know Pops. She left years ago.” His memories been fuzzy lately and I’m scared Alzheimer’s might be setting in.

“No. Shanna. She’s dead.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I always thought someday, I’d find her. Get all the answers I needed for myself.

Give her hell for leaving us and then put it all behind me. But I’ll never have the chance to put the puzzle pieces together; the book ends unfinished on a cliffhanger.

“You see this here. Shortly after we bought the house, we planted this tree. Your mother loved blooming cherry trees in spring. We came out one day, laid you on a blanket, and I took my knife out, carving a heart with our initials.”

I watch him trace the marks on the bark, wondering why I never noticed them before. Although faded, the scar on the tree is still there. The tree’s lucky. Its wound has healed, only the scab remains. While my cut is fresh; bleeding on the ground. “H-how did she die?”

“Car wreck, drove herself right off the road. She was probably out partying in Hollywood.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because baby girl, she called me after she heard about Duke’s father. She said she wanted to come out here.”

“W-what?” Sobs, tear through me, ringing out in the woods around us.

“I didn’t tell you, ‘cause there was a good chance she was going to flake out. I didn’t want to give her another chance to hurt you if she was gonna be a no-show.”

“Well, she did anyway. Everyone’s hurt me,” I whisper tracing the faded, bark with a finger.

We sit in silence for a while; each of us lost in our pain and regret.

“She had an affair with him before you were born.”

“What?” I look up at him through tears in disbelief.

“Sorry, sugar. I told you to stay away from Duke. His father revenge fucked her after Dee Dee and I started doing each other on the side. She thought she was in love with him, but she was only a side-piece. It was embarrassing how she stepped out with my brother, my best friend… I threatened to kill your Ma—almost did once,” he sighs rubbing his face. “She ran. From me—from all the shit going down. It followed us everywhere. The club was a black cloud that never went away. I-I tried to spare you; keep you safe from that shit. But the past has a way of cropping up like cancer when you least expect it. There are problems in LA. Meat got wind of some shit going down with the chapter there.”

“What are you saying? We have to go to her funeral.”

“Why? Let ghosts be. As far as you’re concerned—she died a long time ago.”

“No. No, Pops, she didn’t. I always kept her alive in my heart. Part of me is still the little girl, sitting up in her room—hoping when I wake-up—Mom will be down in the kitchen fixing pancakes.”

I get up, brushing the leaves from my legs, I need my man. I need him right now. Clutching my phone to my head so hard I think it might snap, I leave him a message.

“Duke, it’s me. My mom’s dead. I’m going to LA. I was hoping to stay with you. Please, don’t push me away.” I tell him in a broken whisper,” I need you so much. Please call me.”

I’m just about to open the front door when Meat tears down the driveway on his bike, stopping short and getting off faster than I would’ve thought he could’ve. He’s big for an aging man in his fifties and built like a tank. But he’s still living hard, and it shows on the deep lines in his face. “What is it now?”

“You can’t go, Shanna. He sent me to stop you.”

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