Page 61 of Entwined

“I hear them now,agapeand I’m sorry. Part of me wants to take you back to my hotel and fuck you into the dawn. But the DOM in me must put your needs first. You think you need me. You don’t. What you need is to keep building yourself. I stayed…that day in London. I waited in the cold, watching you. You wouldn’t let the cab driver help you with your luggage. I wondered if you’d take the telescope or crash it through the hotel window.”

“I still have it. It’s set up in the flat Jecca and I share. You should’ve told me… confided in me that guilt was eating you up. We could’ve worked through it together.”

“No Jessie. We couldn’t. Don’t you see, little one? I was sick... still am. Only a cocktail of medications and therapy help me function somewhat normally. You weren’t until I spread my sickness to you. You’re still enslaved by my darkness. Set yourself free from it. Please. It’s the only way.”

“Stop the car!” I shout at the driver. “This is bullshit. You only wanted me when I was defiant and in denial that I wanted your touch. Now that I beg for it… you’re bored. Discarding my love. You don’t want to set me free. You want someone new to touch. Fuck off Christos Devillo. If you don’t want my love… I’ll find someone who does. Fuck this, I won’t beg for yours anymore.”

I flee from the car, slamming the door shut behind me. He doesn’t chase me. Grab me, or pin me against him like he did every time I used to run. We only went a few blocks anyway. I can make it back to Jecca’s house from here.

He’s changed.

But I have too.

I swore to myself I wouldn’t be weak again.

Needing him makes me weak andEl Diablocould never love a weak woman. It’s after midnight, the air is damp and chilly. My heels click on the pavement as I run towards the gates. The car only went several blocks. He was slow playing me. He probably never intended to spend the night with me. Why would he when he got what he wanted… me still begging for his touch; an absolute slave for him.

I slip through the gates and knock on the side entrance. A servant opens the door, ushering me inside. She asks where Jecca is and I just respond with, “still out.” The maid smiles knowingly. I hope Jecca’s night turns out better than mine did. Instead of the beautiful reunion I was hoping for I just feel dumped. Again. But I’m angry as hell because deep down I know he’s right. I think I have this whole time. I just never wanted to admit it. Our love is too fucked-up to last. Maybe it was never love at all but just the intensity of the sick push-pull between us that spiraled out of control. He jumped from the plane, parachuting into a new life, leaving me onboard to crash and burn.

But I survived the wreckage, bloody and bruised. So why do I want to fly with him again? I know better. So, the sex is good. Dimitri’s probably just as good. I need to stop longing for a man who only wants to leave me behind.

And if he ever does come around, he won’t find me waiting. As I peel my dress off and turn on the shower to wash the smell of us off me, I realize he never said he loved me back after I told him what was still in my heart.

CHRISTOS

“What is it about her that brings out the beast in me?” I roar, to my empty room. I flip tables, crash lamps— swallowing sip after sip of malted scotch. Fuck she was tight. The sex was just as wild and hot as it ever was. Nothing there changed. Her eyes were so haunted, so hurt as she stared at me in the darkness.

But how can I tell her she represents everything wrong with who I was… who I might still be?

It took everything I had not to fuck that pretty mouth, pound into the sweet curves of her ass; filling her backside with every drop of cum in my balls. I want to hurt her. See the red imprint of my palm on her ass; make her bleed for me.

It’s insane.

I’m still insane. I always will be. I’ve just found ways to mask it better. The meds help, but so does Nicole. But I don’t want to fuck her mouth or break her.

“Christos?”

“Nicole?”

“Bad night? Pack your shit. We’re being kicked out. Your man-tantrum was heard three floors below.”

I shrug, “It’s Dimitri’s hotel. It doesn’t impress me anyway. I just wanted to lay eyes on what I’ll soon own.”

“This is Dimitri’s hotel?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I guess the dozen red roses in my room aren’t from you then?”

I shake my head.

She blushes to the roots of her hair.

“Is there more you’re not telling me, Nicole?”

“…if you tell me all of your secrets, I’ll tell you mine.”

“I kidnapped a woman last year. Sexually tortured her, made her want it…faked her death only to set her free when I realized I couldn’t keep her anymore. She was at the ball tonight. I fucked her.”

---