Page 117 of Undone

“The place looks good.” His eyes wander over the cozy space. My own paintings hang on the walls. Vases I picked up at a yard sale line the mantel and fat, cream colored candles nestle between them. I bought a thick wool carpet to cover the plank floors. I feel proud of my home as I stood gathering utensils.

“Thanks. It took some time, but it finally feels like home.” My hands shake as I attempt to place the tray of rolls in the oven. He takes it from me and places it in.

“Here. Take a small sip.” He holds the glass of whiskey to my lips. I taste him on the rim as I swallow the amber liquid. It warms me like a slow fire and takes the edge off my wrecked nerves.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do, Luce. I threw away today—hoping we’d still have a tomorrow. I’m still working shit out.” He rubs a hand across the back of his neck.

“The only way a relationship works is if you trust each other. You didn’t trust me, Lucas. You should’ve told me what was going on, not just leave me wondering.”

“I couldn’t. I can’t. It’s some bad shit, babe.”

“Then we’ll never have tomorrow. All we had was a few weekends in the past. How can you ever be with someone if you runaway whenever “Club business” threatens a relationship? It’s bullshit. Duke and Shanna made it. Dev and Rog are doing well.”

“They all had their struggles. Especially Duke and Shanna. But I’m the king. The acting Prez. I can’t confide certain things to you—I won’t put those nightmares in your head.” He takes the lid off the cookie jar resting on the counter and scoops out a handful of dog treats. “Keep dinner warm. I’ll bring him home for you, babe.”

He shuts the door softly behind him. My fingers pull back the thick curtain. A dozen trucks showed up while we were talking. His men unload snowmobiles and rev the engines. Smith puts on a helmet, gloves and takes off. The rest of his men follow. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so sad. Instead of motorcycles, they ride in formation on snowmobiles wearing black leather cuts with Creed’s emblem on the back—all on a mission to find my runaway dog.

I know he still loves me.

It was all over his face.

I just wish I knew what this thing is that’s keeping us apart. But as long as he’s Prez of Creed, I wonder if we’ll ever be together. Because I won’t settle for being his in times of peace and left behind when dark days come.

I take out my cell and call someone who might have answers.

“Tesoro?”

“It’s me, but you can drop the endearment. Smith’s here. He told me he asked you to watch me that weekend?”

“He did. I indulged an old friend. But I wasn’t expecting you… to light me up. That was real. Are you back with him?”

“No… yes?Maybe.”

Roque curses.

“He mentioned that you met in college…?”

“We were frat brothers at Princeton.”

I’m stunned. Smith? Princeton? In a fraternity? None of this is making any sense and I realize how much of the man I carelessly fell in love with is a complete mystery.

“… how very interesting. Why does a mobster need that kind of education?”

“It takes a lot of knowledge to run an empire. Business skills are everything. Do you have plans for Spring Break? I’ll send my plane…”

“Tempting. But I’m staying here. I kind of have a dog to take care of—if he ever comes home.”

“I won’t wait for long,tesoro.I’m a lonely man… with certain needs.”

I almost choke, imagining him seducing some faceless woman…wishing somehow it could still be me. “I understand. It’s not our time. Maybe it never will be. I’ll take a rain check for the next life though.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

He ends the call.

I take the rolls out of the oven. I can’t eat knowing Smith is here. There’s so much I want to say…but still so much I need to figure out.

My hands shake.

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