Careful not to startle the little cat, I move my right hand, finding Shi’s and thread our fingers together. “I don’t need to see it, Shi, when I feel it. Right here right now. I finally feel it babe. What I’ve been missing all these years.”
“I know. I feel it too. This sucks.”
“I know. Let’s just stay here in and freeze this moment as long as we can.” We lay our heads back, studying the sky with out hands joined and our breaths coming out in puffs of vapor that disappear into the winter air, floating high into nothing.
“I’ll never forget this Christmas.”
“Neither will I, sugar.”
“Are you going to keep her?”
The kitten’s curled up against my neck, trying to get warm. My throat’s thick as I answer. “Yeah. I think I will.” Sighing, I unlink our hands and scoop up the little cat checking to make sure she’s a lady.”
“Sky. I’ll name her, Sky.”
Getting up, I offer Shi a hand. “I think I’ll stay here a bit longer.”
“Ok.”
I can tell she’s feeling vulnerable and I don’t push. But as I raise the kitten up high, like the Dad in that Lion King movie trailer I saw on TV, I hear her whispered words. “If only he’d keep me too.”
My shoulders slump. Maybe I’ve been a dick. Flirting too hard too fast, because I’m a selfish fuck. I saw her. I wanted her. End of fucking story. But She’s right, I can’t keep her not when I already promised somebody else, I’d be their happy ending. Freddie needs me more than anyone else in the world. I can’t let her down. I won’t.
I pause, cradling the kitten against my chest. Without turning around, I whisper back. “I’m sorry. If I could—I’d keep you, too.”
I gently place Sky, back in the box and pick up a pissed-off Mama cat who was looking for her lost little one, not realizing she’d been found.
The bell above the door jingles as I enter the Vet’s. I place the box down on the counter and look out the window. Shiloh’s gone but the snow angel she left before she took off pierces me. An arrow straight through my heart. What am I gonna do? I don’t want to hurt her more, maybe Santa shouldn’t come back to town. Maybe the best thing to do is nothing at all. But the thought of that stings too.
I’ve really fucked this up and I need to make it right. Shiloh—damn, the woman is fire, ice, laughter and tears…all the things I want to wrap up and keep for myself. I could see it. Waking up, teasing her with my words and hands…rolling in soft sheets, then making coffee together. Something about her keeps me on my toes but gives me peace, too. We connect. Physically and emotionally. I’ve never had that and probably won’t find it for a while. It would be fair to Freddie to search for that while getting to know her.
The biggest cat in the litter hisses and spits as the vet tech reaches into the box.
“Put a special collar on that one. He’s going to a real good friend of mine for Christmas.”
I swear the kitten gives me side-eye as it’s lifted out. I grin like a mother fucker imagining Rog’s face when I hand him a cat carrier in bright pink covered in hideous rhinestones.
Laughing to myself, I look out the windows. Families laugh and smile, all dragging freshly cut trees from the lot on the corner. I want that, dammit.
Taking out my phone, I call Freddie.
“Dare?”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Ok, I guess.”
But I’m not buying it.
“Freddie?”
“The other kids know. They ain’t stupid. Everyone knows I’m getting out if here soon. That I’m going to be fostered out maybe adopted. Someone stole my new boots and coat when I was asleep last night.”
My fist curls at my side. My jaw clenches. “I’ll take care of it. How many days left until break?”
“I’m already on break. Yesterday, was a half-day.”
My heart breaks as I picture her alone with kids who hate her now. “Sit tight, baby doll. It won’t be long now. We’ll be together soon. Forever. I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I swear it.”