Page 39 of Desert King

I pull off the exit for the meet up house the Club’s owned for years. It’s halfway between Santa Fe and Vegas. And especially useful when moving goods and services between territories.

I pull in the huge ranch, nod to the Prospect on watch and stretch my legs. I loosen my mouth covering, taking it off to rub the sweat and dirt from the back of my neck.

F.O.C.U.S, Rog, and Smith’s bikes are here too. I enter the house, going straight to the bedroom I keep here. It has fresh clothes and a private bath. I strip, take a long cold shower, letting sting of the water reduce my inflamed muscles.

After, I dress in fresh jeans and a shirt then look for food and ice water.

“Damn. Rough night?”

“Fuck, Indé. What did you roll in that blunt?”

“Did it work? Did you ‘see’ what you needed.”

I jerk my head breaking eye contact. “I’m fucked up still. In here.” I point to my chest.

“Walk with me.” I turn, finding Roger at my back. His blue eyes know too much. Rog has battled demons worse than me. The man is like an all-knowing wise man or some shit. I grab a water and head out back with him.

“What’s up?” We wander off toward the back of the property where a metal chain-link fence twenty-feet high is capped off with barbed wire. In the distance, the sound of howling coyotes echoes across the desert.

“I’m worried about ya’. You’ve been holding onto a love that’s been gone, for far too long.”

My jaw works. Shoving my hands in the front pocket of my jeans, I turn away, kicking the fence. “Don’t speak about her to me.” I grate out. I respect the shit out of Rog. He’s always had my back. Especially when my father and uncle were gunned down in a shoot-out with a rival MC from Nogales, Mexico. He’s always been there for me. On every dark day I’ve had over the past five years,

“Son,” he places a hand on my shoulder, “it’s time to let her go. Sometimes… we look back through tinted lenses. Make the departed more than they were. Mandy had her demons, Tarak. Everyone saw them but you.”

“She was my world!” The words explode angrily from me. My hands clench the fence, my face dropping to the ground.

“That’s okay. I get that. One time I thought a woman was mine, too. She left. And I never thought I’d feel that way again. Then I met Devon. And you know what? What I feel for her is everything compared to the woman who came before her. It was a real kick in the ass.”

My face turns, “I’m happy for you. I am. But I don’t see that happening for me.”

“You’re too young to say shit like that.”

I hang my head again. “I smoked some potent shit last night that gave me crazy hallucinations. She was with me. I felt her, kissed her, touched her. It was so real Rog. I can’t let that go.”

“You have to. Take it as a gift and don’t do that shit again. Maybe that was your goodbye, Tarak. The one you never had.”

“Fuck.” I feel the hot, sting of salty tears spring from the corner of my eyes. I know he’s right. But holding her close to my heart is the only thing that’s kept it from breaking.

He claps me on the shoulder. “Take some time. Let it out. Let it go. You need your head to be right for the meet we have. If anyone suspects you’re weak they’ll use it against you and the Club.

I nod, unable to speak.

He moves away back into the darkness and toward the house.

“Baby. Why did you leave me? What happened that night?” My eyes move to the stars. But she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t come. Deep down, I know he’s right. I need to let her go. I’m not even thirty yet. “Mandy? Babe? Send me someone then, so I don’t feel guilty. I don’t want to find another you. I need you to pick her for me, okay?”

A shooting star streaks right before my eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes, babe.”

It takes a few more minutes to gather my composure. I swipe the back of my hand across my eyes and move forward. I’ll never forget her. It’ll take a bit more time. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll find myself a new world to live in. Just like Roger did.

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