Page 25 of Mr. July

“Why are you single?”

I shrugged. “Too busy climbing the corporate ladder.”

“Pathetic excuse.”

“I’m in no rush.”

My cell dinged with a text, distracting me. Bun left muttering under her breath about this generation of men being metrosexual babies. I’m hardly that. I can’t help it if I inherited my father’s southern charm when I choose to turn it on. Truthfully, teasing a sixty-year-old woman is the highlight of my stressful corporate day. I thought bringing home the bacon with the shiny gold plaque on my office door would make me happy. I’ve been looking to capture the same feelings I had ever since those beach days when Char and I were kids. Before we grew up too fast. Before we truly knew what shitheads our parents were. I picked up my cell. I’d been blowing Hunter off, spending all my time at the shore. He wanted me to meet him for Happy Hour at the new martini bar. My eyes cut to the bank of windows to my left. Part of me wanted to crash Bunny’s card game just for fun. The old woman brought out the best in me at the office. Probably because I don’t have to worry about her trying to land me or dream of me and a Range Rover with a car seat strapped in the back. I texted Hunter back that it’s on. This weekend is the first in many that I won’t be at my shore house. The place has grown on me. Becoming such a labor of love. I’m in love with my house. There I said it. Every newly painted wall was done by me. Every shiplapped surface took hours of precise measurement. I’d be nervous about letting strangers stay in my baby, but Ryan’s emails were professional. I mean who would lie about having a relaxing weekend for his pregnant girlfriend. Everything would be fine. I was sure of it.

Nine

I really needed to get laid. It was raining dicks. Dicks were even in my hair. I had watched, laughing hysterically as Kells took a bat to the dickpinata. When she got a good whack in, gummy dicks went flying. “Mmm,” she shoved a handful in her mouth. “Never tasted better.”

Club music was blasting from the wireless speakers connected to Hannah’s phone. Jenna, Rachel, and Ciara were dancing to the beat. In their hands were dick-shaped plastic glasses. Inside were the margaritas I had blended. Hannah was the only snob drinking red wine.

“I’m having so much fun! This place is perfect! It’s exactly what I wanted.” I put an arm around my friend.

“I’m so glad.” Everyone was drunk but the two of us. I decided to lay off just so Kells would have one coherent friend to commiserate with.

“Are you okay? Don’t bullshit, me.”

“I am. I really am. But it would be easier if Wade and Sierra weren’t constantly making out everywhere.”

“Where’s Soph?”

“She’s coming later.” Truthfully, our other friend was bringing the stripper. She found him on Craigslist. He was going to charge for gas and tolls, so she offered to drive him out tonight and back in the morning. I had no idea where he was going to sleep, but judging by how buzzed the ladies were, if he was hot as a stripper should be, he’ll probably bill per cuddle-hour.

“It’s so windy out! Crazy!”

The branches from the Crepe Myrtle trees outside scratched the window. I took the empties to the kitchen frowning. I had turned on all outside flood lights. The waves were enormous swells. Rain was turning to freezing rain. The small icy pellets hit the windowpane.

“You made it!” Kell screeched from the other room. Sighing in relief, Soph came in, her hair wet and windswept. Hannah turned off the lights, and the beat changed. Even I hooted as the hottie with oiled up pecs strode in. He was built. Shorter than Wade but made like a body builder. I’d never seen so much muscle in my life. Hannah fanned herself as he invited her to feel his flexed bicep.

“I’m the bride!” Kells waved her arms. He gyrated over, rested his body weight on the back of the couch and grinded his spandex-covered package inches from her body. Hannah, grinded up on him from behind. It was hot. So hot, my face flushed. Just then the lights flickered. Soph tripped as everything went pitch dark, colliding into Hannah, who fell onto the stripper who fell onto Kells.

“Kells!” I screamed, worried about the baby. I tapped the flashlight function on my phone. They were piled on top of one another. Hannah’s red wine was all over the white couch. Everyone laughed hysterically, but all I could think of was the nice man who rented me his house.

I raced to the kitchen, opened bottled water, grabbing towels. “What are you doing?” Hannah finally moved from her spot still on top the stripper.

“Your wine. It’s going to stain.”

“So? It’s a rental. This shit probably happens all the time. You need to take that stick out of your ass. It’s no wonder Wade dumped you. You’re so uptight. Have some fun.”

“Hannah…” Kells warned.

“I’m gong to look for candles and flashlights.” I left before anyone could see me cry. Hannah was such a bitch. It was hard to believe her and Kell were such good friends. I opened drawers and cabinets, not finding anything. There was a cabinet above the fridge, but I couldn’t reach. Moving a barstool from the kitchen island, I climbed on. “Bingo.” Inside was a lighter for a grill, one flashlight and a… Christmas present? Half-torn paper was still on a box. I took it out hoping to find candles, instead I found…him.He looked determined. His shirt was half ripped off, exposing tan pecs. His abs made my mouth water. But it wasn’t his body. It was that face. That I don’t give two fucks confidence that reached out through the picture, grabbing me. I held the box in my hands, there were at least a dozen copies. Biting my lip, I took one before placing the box back inside.

I tucked the calendar under my arm, going back to the other room. “I found a lighter and a flashlight. There’s scented candles in the master bathroom.”

“I’ll make a fire,” hot stripper offered.

“I think you already did.” I grinned, hiding how hurt I was by Hannah. This was Kell’s weekend. I’d swallow my pride for her. I rushed upstairs, hiding the calendar in my bag. I’d spend time with him later. After retrieving the candles, I went back downstairs. Kells was trying to clean the couch with a stain stick she found by the laundry. A fire was catching in the hearth.

“I’m Colby,” hot stripper man smirked as he handed me the lighter for the candles.

“Well, Colby. Keep dancing. Your rate isn’t cheap.” He grinned as I took over cleaning the couch for Kells. “Go. It’s your weekend.”

“Sorry about Hannah. She’s always been threatened by our friendship.”

---